Affair of the Body 05
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“I’m done with work for the day. Why don’t you come down?” Rain sounded as jubilant as always. Despite her resolve last night Jerilyn found herself downstairs to visit her lover. She couldn’t call her a friend and their intimacy pushed them way past acquaintances. Perhaps mistress was a better word. After all she was the other woman. Last night the frustration with Antony, the aggressive sex with Rain, and the realization of how far she traveled from her roots, left her emotionally exhausted. Last night she prepared to call off her new relationship. Today, Jerilyn had a better grasp on her emotions and intended to become friends instead of lovers. She knew she couldn’t continue a sexual relationship with Rain, not in light of their “deep connection.”
When Jerilyn got to Rain’s door, she knocked and waited. Earlier, Rain told her to come straight in, but in light of her new resolution, Jerilyn wasn’t comfortable with that. This was Rain’s place and Jerilyn didn’t want to become too comfortable there. She would do everything possible to keep them from crossing over the line of friendship again.
The wait turned out to be longer than she anticipated and she finally knocked again. A full minute later Rain came to the door. When she yanked it open, Jerilyn had the first test of her resolve. Rain was dressed the same way as the last time Jerilyn knocked on the door without walking right in. Her transparent robe clung to her wet body like it was painted on.
“I wish you’d quit doing this.” Rain scowled at Jerilyn as she gave Jeri room to walk in. “Do you get off on dragging me out of the shower?”
“Actually . . . ” Jeri tired not to stare at Rain’s body. She knew it was wrong to look at a person like a sexual object, but damn! “No. No, I don’t.” Jerilyn said it more to convince herself than Rain. She shook herself out of her sexual trance and walked inside. If their neighbors happened to walk by, they’d get quite a view. “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”
“Good.” Rain’s scowl vanished as she closed the door. “Why don’t you join me and wash my back?”
“Then come in and wash my front.” Rain grinned mischievously.
“No, go on without me. I’ll wait out here.” Jerilyn felt her nipples tighten and swell against her very unsexy bra. Her plain cotton bikini cut panties felt tight and hot. Somehow she resisted the temptation and cleaned up last night’s meal. They were so busy they never got around to cleaning up after they ate.
The simple domestic chore allowed Jerilyn to get herself and her hormones under control. It didn’t matter what Rain wore, Jeri was ready.
Rain walked out of the bedroom wrapping her hair in a towel with nothing else on. Jerilyn didn’t foresee Rain walking around nude and even if she did, she couldn’t have prepared for it. She couldn’t stop herself from ogling the statuesque form in front of her. Once again, her bra felt constrictive and her panties were too tight. It felt like the temperature in the apartment jumped twenty degrees and a thin film of perspiration covered her body. She almost dropped a plate when her gaze reached the apex of Rain’s thighs.
“You don’t have any-.” Jerilyn’s shocked mind couldn’t find the right words. “I mean you’re ba-.” Jerilyn swallowed hard and managed to rip her eyes from Rain’s exposed sex.
“What?” Rain looked down her body. “What’s wrong? Did I miss some soap?”
“Your . . . ” Jeri gestured to the place she desperately tried not to stare at. “It’s all gone.”
“What?” Rain looked down, searching for what Jerilyn gestured at. “Oh! You mean my pubic hair. I shaved it off.”
“Everyone does. It’s cleaner.”
“It makes you look like a child.”
“It’s the style.”
“Where do you go where people see it?”
“Third generation hippy. I spend a lot of time nude around other people.”
“Oh.” Jerilyn’s eyes kept going there and she didn’t want to look. It seemed rude and improper.
“Do you like it?” Rain spread her legs and stretched her arms toward the ceiling. “It’s ok to look. Get closer if you need to.” Rain must have sensed Jerilyn’s discomfort because her voice turned teasing. “You can touch it.”
Jerilyn’s face went scarlet and she spun around so her back was to Rain. She busied herself with putting dishes in the washer. “That’s okay. I don’t want to . . . ” What didn’t she want to do? Oh, yeah, touch Rain’s shaved pubic mound. “I mean I need to finish these dishes.”
“I’m starting to think you don’t like it.” Rain went to the couch which relieved Jeri to no end.
“It makes you look like a little girl, is all.”
“It really bothers you.” Rain laughed softly. “I don’t know why, you can see everything much better. There’s so much you can’t see with all the hair in the way.”
“You’ve seen a lot, have you?” Weren’t hippies supposed to not shave? Now Jerilyn fidgeted with the dishes, rearranging them to keep from looking at Rain.
“What part of spending lots of time nude around other people didn’t you understand?”
“Can we talk bursa escort bayan about something else?”
“I don’t know, I’m enjoying the hell out of this conversation.”
“Oh, all right, party pooper. What do you want to talk about?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then maybe we shouldn’t talk at all.” Rain patted the couch next to her. “I’ve got a great idea how we can spend the evening.”
When Jerilyn hesitated Rain tilted her head and her eyebrows knitted. Thankfully the couch’s back was between Rain and Jerilyn so she didn’t have to look at her naked body and be distracted.
“What’s wrong?” Rain moved so she leaned back against the couch but her breasts were still hidden.
“I think this is going too fast.”
“You’re wrong. It’s not going fast enough.”
“Nope. You’ve still got your clothes on, so it’s going way too slow. I have certain standards to keep and you’re slowing me down.”
“You made me come so hard so many times, I almost wet myself. I need to return the favor.”
“I don’t think I’m up for that.”
“You’re turning down an orgasm?” Rain’s cheerful teasing died away and she looked as serious as Jerilyn ever saw her. “What’s wrong?”
“This isn’t who I am.”
“Being a lesbian?”
“Yes. No. That isn’t part of it. It has nothing to do with you being a woman and everything with you being Rain.”
“You mean it’s about Antony.” Rain sighed and hugged a throw pillow to her chest. “You’ve got nothing to feel bad about. He cheated on you first. You said so yourself.”
“He never cheated.” Jeri felt a faint stirring of anger, Rain didn’t have the right to insult her husband.
“Not with a woman.” Rain’s eyes filled with compassion and her smile turned tender. “Where do you think all his emotional investments are? He’s too busy giving all his energy to work. His job gets his love, not you.”
“We got married too young.” Jerilyn finally felt centered enough to sit next to Rain and not get distracted by her nudity. “I’m afraid I’m falling out of love.” She grabbed another pillow and mirrored Rain’s position. “His behavior doesn’t excuse mine.”
“I think you’ve missed an important point. From what you’ve said, Antony gets all his satisfaction from his job. Neglecting you is a side effect. Getting satisfaction from me has nothing to do with him.”
“I want to believe it, I really do.”
“Why don’t you?”
“I grew up in a religious family. It was too religious, too restrictive.”
“Your parents aren’t those weird people who think punishment is god’s word, were they?”
“No.” Jerilyn had to laugh. “They were so full of love and devotion, I can’t imagine them raising a hand to us kids. We were never abused, physically or emotionally, but they wielded the bible like an emotional whip. Hell was always right around the corner and curiosity led the way. If it wasn’t in the bible, it didn’t matter. In fact, I suspect they skipped over the racier parts.”
“So you’re dealing with hangups about being gay and cheating.” Rain’s shoulders slumped and she pulled the pillow tighter to her chest.
“You make it sound trivial. My big sister ran away and my brother is a full member of the church. I was taught a woman must play a certain role. It’s not slavery, but it’s not freedom either.”
“Does your family hate your sister? Is that what’s bothering you? I can understand being afraid of losing your family. I don’t know what I’d do without mine.”
“No, I’ve pretty much lost them already.” Jerilyn thought about all the family gatherings she went to and how tense they got. The stress drove her sister away first, then Jeri stopped going. “I almost never see them.”
“You said they were full of love. If you needed them, they’d be there for you, wouldn’t they?”
“Right now, yes, but they look down on gays and hate adultery. If they found out I’m having a lesbian affair, I’d be dead to them.” Jerilyn sighed and hugged her pillow tighter. “I got married so young to get away from them. The sad thing is once I got away I ended up being the kind of wife they wanted me to be. I don’t work and I take care of the home. The only thing missing is children. The only reason we don’t have any is Antony’s fault.”
“Too busy working to knock you up?”
“If you have the life your parents expected, why did you leave? Why haven’t you gone back?”
“I wanted the choice. I wanted to marry someone I loved, I didn’t want the church involved.” Jerilyn smiled at her parents reaction when she announced her intention to marry Antony. “They hated Antony. He didn’t belong to our church and had alcoholics for parents. In their eyes he raised himself which meant he had no moral compass.”
“It sounds like he’s everything they didn’t want for a son in law.”
“You’re right, but Antony wasn’t like his parents. We got married too young, and we shouldn’t have worked. My parents warned me and warned me why not to do it.”
“It was your first chance nilüfer escort to get away and you grabbed it with both hands. For what it’s worth I think you did the right thing.”
“We were so happy at first. All the struggles and defeats and victories were like a fairy tale. Now it’s falling apart.”
“You’re taking this way too seriously.” Rain dropped the pillow and scooted next to Jeri. Her luscious nude body sat in full view but their conversation depressed Jerilyn enough that the treats on display didn’t tempt her. “All we’re doing is having sex. It’s not like you’re having someone else’s baby.”
“I know, but sex should be sacred.”
“It is. The things you’ve made me feel are religious experiences.”
“So am I. Sex is sacred, even when it’s casual. It’s two people joining with the single purpose of making each other feel good. For me, nothing can be more sacred.” Rain put an arm around Jerilyn and stroked her thigh with her other hand. It wasn’t a sexual gesture, it was meant to be comforting. It was comforting. Jerilyn suddenly felt like crying and didn’t know why.
“You’ve been neglected so you’re getting some much needed and overdue attention.”
“He should be giving me this attention.”
“Yes, he should, and I’m sure he will again.”
“How do you know?”
“It’s in the cards. Besides, you’re too hot to lose.” Rain smiled and gave Jerilyn a comforting squeeze. “All we’re doing is having some fun. You’ve sacrificed so much, don’t you deserve some fun?”
“What about the deep connection you mentioned? You brought it up but I feel it too.”
“We definitely have a deep connection, but you have to remember I’m a third generation hippy. A deep connection is just that. It means we’re close friends and fulfill each other. That doesn’t mean we’re in love and it especially doesn’t mean we have to get married. You fulfill me sexually, there’s no doubt about that, but that doesn’t mean you’ll fulfill other areas of my life. If it’s the sex you’re worried about, will it help if I do you and Antony at the same time?”
“You’ve had sex with two people at the same time?” Jeri didn’t know if she should be scandalized or aroused.
“No.” Rain laughed. “There’s a difference between free love and being a complete slut. Having sex for the sake of sex isn’t what free love is about for me. There has to be a connection. You and Antony are a special case.”
“I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.” Jerilyn thought about it for a minute. “Relieved. I’d be constantly worried he’d like you better.”
“That could never happen.” Rain crinkled her forehead in thought. “Let me tell you a little about my upbringing. Both my parents and grandparents had open marriages. When they met someone they had a special connection with, they acted on it. And in case you feel like we’re doing something new, they had same sex partners too.”
“It sounds good, but it’s so different from the way I was brought up to think.”
“Did your church accept new members?”
“Think of it like joining a new church. Besides, it’s not like you’re going to leave him to marry me. I’ve got no intention of settling down.”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. As miserable as I am, I never considered leaving Antony.”
“I’ll never ask you to. Want me to do another card reading? It might help you organize your thoughts.”
“After what you told me about it? How do I know you won’t skew the results?”
“I guarantee I will.” Rain grinned and went to get her cards. When she came back, she wore her robe. Even dry the robe didn’t leave much to the imagination. “Come over to the table and we’ll see what your future holds.” She dropped her voice into a melodramatic spooky tone.
“Oh, please.” Jerilyn rolled her eyes but sat across from Rain at the table.
Rain shuffled the cards then placed the deck in front of her. “Cut them.” She took the deck from Jerilyn and dealt the first card. “This represents you, where you’re at in your life.”
“What does it say?”
“It says you’re in a place where you’ll receive great pleasure.”
“Yes, really. This card represents what holds you back.” Rain laid a card across the first card. “Hmm. That’s interesting.” She chewed on her thumb and studied the card as the silence lengthened.
“Fine, I’ll bite. What’s holding me back?”
“Well . . . if I didn’t care about the results, I’d say you are what’s holding you back. Since I have a vested interest in how this comes out I have to say it’s your clothes.” She studied the card for a few more seconds. “Yes, it’s definitely your clothes holding you back.”
“So what am I supposed to do, get naked?”
“That sounds like an excellent idea. Start with your shirt.”
Jerilyn rolled her eyes again. “I thought we were supposed to do a real reading.”
Rain raised an eyebrow and waited in silence, idly tapping a finger on the table top.
“Fine.” Jeri unbuttoned her cuffs then started türbanlı escort on the buttons. “This may not work out the way you want it to. I don’t usually wear bras.” She stopped three buttons down. “Are you sure you want me to take it off?”
“Just unbutton it.” Rain waited for Jerilyn to finish unbuttoning her blouse. She starred at the strip of exposed skin. “That may be worse.”
“You started it.”
Rain frowned but dealt the next card. “This is your distant past. It says . . . you didn’t fit in, you were happy for the most part, but uncomfortable. You didn’t have much conflict, but you wanted more than what was immediately available.”
“I know, I just told you that.”
“This is the recent past.”
“Let me guess, I’m unhappy.”
“Yes, but it’s more complicated. Nothing you experienced prepared you for the situation you find yourself in. You know you’re loved but you’re neglected and you’ve never dealt with that before.”
“I told you that, too.”
“You did, but I didn’t realize what it meant, I didn’t understand.” Rain dealt another card, this one above the first two. “This is the best possible outcome.”
“Let me guess, it’s you.”
“You’re not playing anymore.”
“I know. At first I wanted to cheer you up, lighten the mood. Now it’s making too much sense. I’m not sure it’s even for you. I think I’m learning more than you are.”
“Swell, I’m glad someone got something out of this.”
“The best outcome is for you to be the center of someone’s world.”
“An entirely unrealistic expectation.”
“More realistic than you may think. My mom and dad are the centers of each others lives. For a while, us kids were, but when we grew up that changed.”
“I don’t want to be the center of my parents lives. Again. It was awful the first time.”
“I didn’t say you’d be the center of anyone’s life, I said that’s the best possible outcome. It’s what will make you the happiest. That doesn’t mean it will happen.”
“Yes, well, I guess I’m not going to be the center of your life, right?”
“You already are, at least for right now. After the way you made me come, you better believe you’re the center of my world.” Rain dealt a card to the left of the original card. “This is the long term possibilities.”
“What does it mean?”
“It looks like the next few choices you make will be geared toward stability and contentment.”
“Stability and contentment? That doesn’t sound like what I’m working toward.”
Rain frowned at her then dealt the next card to the right of the group. “This represents the things affecting the situation.” She studied the card for a minute.
“So? What’s affecting my situation.”
“Well that’s a shocker. This is a bad idea. You aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know.” Jerilyn scooted her chair back to stand.
“Wait. Let me finish. I’ll hurry.” Rain laid out three more cards above the first. “Give me a minute, let me have time to understand what this all means.” Rain poked at the cards, seemingly at random, talking to herself the whole time. “What it comes down to is one essential fact. You need new experiences to teach you what you need to know to deal with your situation.”
“New skills like learning to make love to a woman?”
“No.” Rain laughed wistfully. “I’m completely satisfied with your knowledge in that area. You’re filled with doubt because Antony chooses work over you. You can’t get past the fear you drove him away. I know you didn’t, but it doesn’t matter what I say, you still believe it. You’ll believe it until you teach yourself otherwise.”
“Having sex will teach me what I need to know?” Jerilyn wanted her to say yes. It would make life so much easier if sex with Rain solved all her problems. But could she believe it? Rain wanted her, that was no secret, so how could she believe anything the woman said?
“I want to say yes, I’m the answer to all your problems, but I don’t know if it’s true.” Rain reached across the table and took Jerilyn’s hands in hers. “I can say this because you know it’s true. I’m the best teacher you’ll have and I’m risk free because I don’t want to break up your marriage. I’m not jealous. I like your touch and you like mine. We have a connection, but it isn’t exclusive. I’m here for you in any way you need me to be.”
Jeri held Rain’s warm hands in hers. Rain was right when she said Jerilyn would believe it because she knew it was true. Maybe Rain was the answer to her problems. She was exciting and fun and she had a free spirit. Sex was simply one among many ways for her to have fun.
“I need a promise from you.” Jerilyn never felt as comfortable around anyone like she did with Rain, except Antony. Still, she needed some kind of commitment because she was very unlike the free spirited woman. “I’m not like you, I don’t have the same views as you. I’m not as confident or secure as you are.”
“You wouldn’t know it by the way you took control last night! Don’t get all defensive, I’m teasing. Just tell me.” Rain smiled. “I won’t bite.”
“Yes you will.” Jerilyn smiled back. “At least you better.” Jerilyn let her smile fade, she needed to make sure Rain knew she was serious. “While we’re in a sexual relationship, you can’t have anyone else.”
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