City Of Dreams Ch. 03
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The following is a complete work of fiction.
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“I need to tell you how sorry I am Miah.” He continued on when he realized I wasn’t going to correct him for saying my nickname, “I was so worried when you never turned back up at school all those years ago. I was so afraid that something happened. That maybe your dad finally went too far and I….”
“Please just stop Bailey. I have to say that I am sorry too. I’m sorry that I just can’t do this with you. Not now, maybe not ever. I can’t sit here and listen to how hard it was for you because you’ll never know how hard it was for me….”
I had to pause for a second and catch my breath before I had some type of breakdown right here on the sidewalk. I stood up as well and tried to clean myself up somewhat.
“I am sorry that I can’t stand here with you and rehash old times. Because if I do that then I will lose my mind. I can’t honestly believe that you think that I would want to listen to anything you had to say. I want you to leave me alone. If I remember correctly that is something you are pretty good at. Just forget that you saw me and go about your life like you always have. I don’t need you anymore. Good bye Bailey.”
And with that I turned and started to cross the street to the subway. I could hear Bailey yelling out my name, but I ignored him and continued to walk and wipe the tears from my face. If I wasn’t being such an evil bitch I would have stopped and maybe tried to listen. If I did that then I would have seen the taxi that came flying around the corner. But I didn’t stop walking. Suddenly my whole world went black.
My first conscious thought was ‘What the fuck was that?!?’ The last thing I remember was crossing that damn street and then everything just seemed to disappear right out in front me. My next conscious thought was “Damn is this sidewalk soft!’ Ok Miah get a fucking grip. Obviously you are lying in a bed ya shit. Yes, I do talk to myself. I tried to open my eyes a bit and groaned. All I could see was this extremely bright light. Oh no! There is no way this is happening. I then heard a soft voice.
“Miah…..walk towards the light Miah. Please Miah…….walk towards the light.”
Just as I opened my eyes a bit more to see what was going on the light suddenly vanished and I was in darkness. I then heard the same voice again.
“We’re sorry, but the light at the end of the tunnel is currently closed for renovations. Please check back at a later time.”
What??? I head a voice giggle and then suddenly the room was bathed in light and I saw that bitch Gina sitting next to me. She flipped on the lamp that is on my bedside table.
“You are such a total bitch! You had me thinking that I was dead there for a second.” I paused and then realized that I was in my own bed. “How the hell did I get here? What is going on Gina??”
“Slow down there Miah.” Gina was trying to calm me down. “I wanted you to realize what death could be like because you almost did die you ass!” She slapped me on the shoulder. “Gen and I were on our way to the after hours club and we saw you fighting with Bailey on the sidewalk, so we pulled over to make sure you were ok. The next thing we know, you go stomping off into the street and are almost hit by a fucking taxi cab.”
“Wait a second. What do you mean almost Gina?”
“Miah, you are very lucky that Bailey can move that quick. Right before the taxi clipped you he dove forward and knocked you out the way.”
I was in shock to say the least. First not only did I have a near death experience, well if you count almost being hit by a taxi then this would be my 52nd near death experience. Trust me, the cars in the city fly down the streets. Secondly Bailey saved me. Which above anything else is what had me in shock the most. There was one thing I just couldn’t understand though. Why did he do it? I mean after us not being friends for so long why would be care? Especially after the major bitch routine I was pulling on him.
“Miah, listen to me. You know that you are my best friend, and I am always on your side, but this fighting with Bailey. I think you may be handling this situation wrong. I was talking to him and if you would just listen…..”
“Wait a second there Nancy Drew,” I interrupted her. “When have you had the time to casino oyna try and dig to the bottom of this mystery? When did you find the time to even hold a conversation with him?”
I could see that Gina took a calming breath before answering.
“Miah, you’ve been out of a little over an hour. Once we saw Bailey save you we rushed over to see if there was anything we could do to help. He picked you up and brought you over to the car so we could bring you home dipshit. How else do you think you go here?”
“Ok so you mean to tell me that you had this long meaningful discussion in the five minute car ride from the club to the apartment?”
Gina licked her lips nervously and our eyes locked. She mumbled something, but I couldn’t quite hear her.
“What did you say G?”
“Bailey,” She began “He’s here. He was really concerned about you since you passed out and I….I offered him to come upstairs so he could make sure you were ok.”
My mouth flapped up and down furiously, but again I was speechless. I really needed to contact that world record book because I think I have to be setting some kind of record with not being able to talk today.
“Close your mouth and listen to me Miah” Gina moved over and sat on the bed next to me. “I know that you think that he doesn’t care, but there a few things I want to share with you. He was a mess Miah when that car almost hit you. And I really mean a fucking mess. His body was shaking, and he could barely talk. And like I said before, he helped carry you all by himself to the car. Damn that boy is strong! And ya know what else he did Miah?”
“What?” My voice coming out in a whisper.
“He didn’t just sit you up in the back seat Miah. Once he got into the car he pulled your body against his and held you the whole way to make sure you didn’t get hurt again. He rocked you back and forth muttering ‘you’re ok now. I got ya buddy. I’m here'”
I could barely breath at this point. My thoughts were a complete jumble. I didn’t even know what to think. I sat up in bed and just stared at Gina.
“Why would he do that? After everything that’s happened and after what an asshole I was tonight, why would he do that?”
“You might want to ask him that yourself stud. He’s out in the living room talking to Genesis.”
My eyes locked with hers. This was a thing that all of our friends were used to by now. Gina and I had a way of communicating without even saying a word to each other.
“Miah, you know this is something you have to do Hun. Even if he walks out of here tonight and you never see him again, you have to talk to him. I know that so much shit has happened, but you need to clear the air.”
“I know Gina. You want to send him in?”
“Sure babe.” She leaned over and gave me a hug. She went over to the bedroom door and gave me once last look and a wink before stepping into the hallway. God I hope I am doing the right thing here.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Gina walked down the hallway towards the living room and stopped right before she entered. Bailey was pacing the floor. Gen was sitting on the couch, and from the looks of her she was ready to tie his ass down to a chair just to get him to calm down. Gen sighed and rolled her eyes and glanced at the doorway Gina was standing in. She immediately stood up when she saw her. Bailey’s head snapped towards the doorway as well.
“Gina, is he awake yet?” Gina could still hear the concern and worry in his voice.
“He’s awake. He seems to be ok.”
You could practically see the stress melt away from Bailey. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath.
“I guess you were right in bringing him here instead of going to the hospital Gina.” Bailey said to her.
“You know how much of a klutz Miah is. So I figured since he wasn’t bleeding he should be ok. Besides you are the one that hit the sidewalk. You practically turned in mid-air to make sure he didn’t hit the ground first. Where the hell did you learn a move like that?”
“Just reflex from playing football I guess. It was almost like he was the ball and I had to keep him from hitting the ground.” Bailey said with a shrug. “Is he coming out here?”
You could practically hear the hope in his voice.
“No. He’s not coming out.”
Bailey’s face instantly crumbled. Gina hated to do that to him, but she had to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt Miah again. No matter how big of an ass Miah was being she had to protect her friend. She let Bailey off the hook.
“But he said that you could go back if you want.”
It was almost like plugging in the cord on your Christmas tree. Bailey’s whole face lit up. He took off around the couch and started towards Gina to head down the hallway. Right as he started to pass her though Gina grabbed him and pushed him back against the wall. She had her hands wrapped into the front of his shirt right below his neck. His eyes were as big as saucers and she looked like a lioness defending her cub.
“Just one word of warning Bailey. You know as well as I do that Miah has been through a canlı casino shit load of crap for his whole life. I am not blaming you for all of that, but you have to admit some of it is your fault. And I will admit that Miah has been a Class A bitch tonight, but I think you and I both understand where that’s coming from. Right?” Bailey nodded his head “I just want to let you know that Miah means a great deal to me and his friends. And if you do anything, ” Her hands gripped the shirt a bit tighter and she pushed him against the wall a bit more “and I mean anything, to ever hurt him again then you are going to have to deal with me. You got that?”
Bailey shook his head quickly in agreement with her. He was scared as hell right now. He had never seen anyone this intense before except for earlier that night when Miah told him off in front of the club.
“I. I got it Gina.”
Gina let go and moved her hands and gently placed them on Bailey’s face.
“Bailey I know that you are a good guy. I can see that in you. Just from talking to you tonight I think we all could be good friends. You need to understand that when you go in there to talk to Miah that it’s going to be tough. Extremely tough. You need to remember that Miah is only this upset because he cares for you so much. You need to get through to him. I know he is in a lot of pain and I bet you are too. Don’t let him push you away. Ok?” Gina gave Bailey a million dollar smile and he finally relaxed.
“Thank you Gina. You are definitely a good friend. Miah is lucky to have you in his life”
“Don’t you let him forget it either!” She said with a laugh.
She watched Bailey turn and walk down the hall towards Miah’s room. She hoped that things would turn out right, but she still couldn’t help thinking ‘Dead Man Walking’.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I was sitting up against the headboard of my bed smoking a cigarette. I can’t believe that I am about to do this. Can I really rehash all of this with him? I realized at that moment I had to. As much pain and anger I felt inside of me, I still missed him. I still wanted him back in my life, but how could I let him back in after everything that had happened? Would he even want to be my friend again? Come on now Miah. Don’t be so damn stupid. I mean the man did save your life didn’t he? He did save my life, but is my life really even worth him saving? I could feel myself slipping back into my shell. It almost like I was back living with my father. I was so unsure of everything, and wasn’t even sure if anything was worth all this pain. Just as I was about to escape to the bathroom to hide my bedroom door eased open and Bailey’s head peaked in.
Oh great! If the rest of the conversation was going to go like this, then it was going to be a long, long talk. Bailey stepped into the room and closed the door. He didn’t move, and I don’t think he was even breathing. I took a deep breath and figured I better start things out.
“You can sit down Bailey.” I pointed to the chair sitting by the bed that Gina had dragged over earlier.
He moved quickly and seemed almost happy for a second that there was something for him to do.
We both tried to start the conversation at the same time. Our eyes locked together, and the unthinkable happened. I giggled. I have no clue why I have this knack for laughing at inappropriate times, but damn it why this time? I tried to smother the sound, but of course we all know that will just make it worse. The next thing I know we are both laughing our asses off like someone just told the funniest joke in the world. After we both calmed down Bailey was the one to start speaking again.
“I’m so glad that you are ok. I was really scared that you might have been hurt.”
“Well I am ok, thanks to you. Thank you for that. To be honest though I don’t know why you did it.” Our eyes locked together again.
“What do you mean why did I do it?”
“Well. After everything that’s happened, and what a fucking bitch I was being. I just….I didn’t think I would have been worth it.”
Bailey’s eyes got wide with shock.
“I don’t want to ever hear you say that again. Ever. You are not worthless!”
“No buts damn it. You are not worthless. You never have been and you never will be. Just because your father didn’t realize what a wonderful person you, doesn’t mean that other people don’t see it. Don’t ever put yourself down.”
My eyes welled up with tears. I had a question on the tip of my tongue, but was afraid to ask it. I asked it anyways though.
“If I am not worthless then why did we stop being friends?”
I could see a whole range of emotions flash across his face. I almost felt bad for asking it, but I just had to know.
“We didn’t stop being friends. I was the one that stopped being friends with you. You were always there for me. And the one thing I will always regret is not fighting to keep your friendship. I….”
I kaçak casino could honestly see how difficult this was for him, and it made me realize that obviously there were things going on that I didn’t know about. I didn’t make a sound. I didn’t even move. I just sat there and waited for him to continue.
“I was just scared. Everything was so different once we got to high school. I tried out for the football team and ended up making the team. All the guys seemed really nice and I had a good time. I guess that is when we really started drifting apart. The practices and games started taking time away. Then some of the guys on team noticed that you and I hung out a lot and…well…for whatever reason they didn’t like you. They started to make fun of you at school and I tried to get them stop. I need you to believe that. I really did try to stop them. Well they then got pissed at me. They said if I didn’t start going along with them then they would harass you even more. And after that they would get me kicked off the team and then would make my life a living hell. I didn’t know what to do. Either way they were going to be picking on you. So instead of trying to stop them I just went along with it.
My stupid thinking was that if they are going to harass you either way I choose the option that would cause the least harassment. Obviously looking back I made the wrong decision. I should have gone against them, and then I could have defended you. I could have been there to help protect you more, but I fucked up so bad. It just seemed like everyone was up against me, pushing me in so many directions and I just didn’t know what to do. Once I started going along with them they all kept telling me I was doing the right thing and shit like that. After awhile I just started thinking I was doing the best I could for you. And I know now that I didn’t. And once I found out you were gone, I realized how fucking wrong I was. By then there was nothing I could do. I fucked up so bad. From the bottom of my heart I am so sorry. If I could take it all back I would. I swear to God I would. Please believe me.”
By this time Bailey was leaning forward in his chair and I could see the pain etched all over his face. I should have known better. I should have realized that he wouldn’t have abandoned me, and in his own way he didn’t. God, I’ve been so stupid. We were only 13 years old for God’s sake. I’d been so worried this whole time about how I felt and worried about what was happening to me, that I never stopped to think what he was going through. I had been holding a grudge against him for so long, and now I don’t think I had any right to. And seeing the tears starting to fall down his face I realized that he was in just as much pain as I was.
“Bailey, I am sorry.”
” You don’t have anything to be sorry for. You…” I put my hand up to stop him.
“Bail, just let me finish please.” When I used that nickname I gave him when we were kids he gave me one of those city block smiles. “This whole time I’ve been stuck thinking poor me. And I never once realized that you might be going through as much pain and confusion as I was. I’ve been pretty selfish. And even when I was being a major asshole to you tonight you still helped me. If you wouldn’t have knocked me out of the way, who knows what may have happened. I think what we need to look at now is that what happened before happened to two young and confused kids. I looked up to you so much and you had really become my hero. What I wasn’t prepared for though was that you weren’t as perfect as I made you out to be. You had flaws and problems just like I did. And I am sorry that I’ve had to put you through any of this shit. You don’t need to apologize Bailey. I’m the one that’s sorry. If we only knew then what we know now eh?”
Just then there was a knock on my door and Gina peaked her head in.
“You boys ok in here?”
We both smiled and nodded our heads. She smiled and closed the door.
“Gina is really good friend to have. She’s pretty tough too.” Bailey said.
I looked at him for a second and realized what must have happened earlier.
“She gave a performance of her one woman good cop/bad cop routine didn’t she?” I said with a giggle.
“Yeah she did. I am not going to be fucking with her anytime in the near future.” We both laughed at this.
“There is one question I have for you though. It’s about the night you left.”
My eyes closed and I bit my lip. I knew this topic would come up, but I just didn’t anticipate it to be coming up so soon damn it.
“What happened that night you left? Your dad told everyone that you had run away, but I know something must have happened.”
“I just couldn’t take it anymore Bail. Things got really bad at home the last few years and I just gave up. I had…I had taken the bottle of pain pills from when my dad broke my arm and I…”
My voice trailed off and I just couldn’t say it. My head fell forward and my hair partially covered my face. I could hear the sharp intake of breath from Bailey and I knew he figured out what I didn’t say. I felt the bed shift. I looked up and saw that Bailey moved and was sitting next to me on the bed. His hand reached out and brushed the hair off of my face. Our eyes met and I could see the sadness in his eyes.
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