Your Whole Life Flashes before You
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They say your whole life flashes before you.
The room seemed very white and very bright, so much so that it blinded me. I realised I had said the word, “Anna.” My voice sounded strange, croaky to my ears, so it took me a moment to realise it had been me speaking. The noise of the constant rhythmic beeping was pretty annoying too, but the problem was I did not know where I was. All I knew was I could not move. Overwhelmingly I wished I could turn that noise off. Again, I repeated the word, “Anna.” Someone was trying to talk to me. Initially trying to reassure me and then to ask me questions. All I could do was repeat that girl’s name again. Over and over. I guess I was just rambling. Slowly things started to go black and my dreams returned. It was so pleasant to descend into them once more. I was back in my car on a rainy day, right where I wanted to be, at the very beginning.
I met Anna just after a lorry had gone through a big puddle and soaked her from head to foot. She had been innocently waiting at the bus stop, then whoosh she was drenched. The driver did not stop, but I immediately pulled over. Anna was furious of course, but way too posh to swear about it the way I would have. She had been soaked from head to foot and was looking suitably wet and bedraggled, but for me it was love at first sight. I ended up making myself late for work, by driving her home, waiting whilst she changed, and then dropping her at her work. By happy co-incidence her office was next door to mine.
It was something I never confessed to her, but I watched for her to leave that evening, in the hope that I could also give her a lift home. I innocently wandered out, just as she was leaving, and pretended only to notice her after she had said had called out to me.
“Oh hi,” I said, all casual like. “How are you?” We shared a joke about the incident that had happened earlier and then I made my move. “If you are going home I could drop you.” I said hopefully. I raised my head to the now clear-blue sky overhead and added. “Might be safer, it looks like rain.” Anna laughed, and after some protesting I convinced her to let me give her a lift. Before we set off she spoilt the magic of the moment a little, by suggesting I come in and meet her boyfriend. Sadly, she also talked a lot about him on the journey to her house and so even before I met him, I disliked him. Apparently, he was heir to quite a fortune and was a surfer-dude!
When I did meet Simon, the rich surfer, the image I had formed of a tanned, tall, well-educated, good-looking, athletic man, was unfortunately precisely right. Dislike quickly turned to hatred and I fled as quick as I could without being rude. I wasn’t exactly bad looking and the hours I spent in the gym had honed my body nicely, but the riches I could not compete with. I came from a council house. No shame in that, but the differences in Simon and I were obvious. I also lived with my parents at that point in time, something I had been forced to own up to in front of surfer dude. I am sure I saw laughter in the eyes of Simon as I told him. Still I had achieved one thing. Anna and I were now officially car-sharing to and from work, so I would see her every day.
Anna was classically beautiful. Long blonde hair, tall, slim figure and bright blue eyes. Her face was a little long and her nose a bit big, but her huge eyes made up for any shortcomings. She had this habit of going cross-eyed if I stared at her for too long. I would smile and look shyly away, but my heart would always miss a beat. The car sharing had gone on for several months, meaning it was now summer and the two of us had got to know each other well. Whether you would say I was in love, or I just had the most enormous crush, I am not sure. All I do know is I thought about Anna all the time. She filled my fantasies and I grew to hate the weekends, time when I would not see her.
It was towards the middle of August when I mentioned on the drive home that my parents would be away for a week’s holiday.
“That’s funny,” said Anna. “Simon is away too. Apparently, he is going to Hawaii surfing.” There was a brief pause in the conversation where to be honest I was trying to think of something to say. The “apparently” and her tone, made it clear she was not happy. Of course, I was delighted she was upset with him, and that he was going away. Suddenly Anna spoke again. “I know! Why don’t you come over for dinner?” As you can imagine my heart leapt in excitement. I think I managed to ask her if she was sure, but she immediately said she was. “After all this car share, is not really a car share, is it?” She added. “You drive, you pay for the petrol. There is no real sharing. It will be my way of saying thank you.” I was over the moon.
The dinner date was settled. I would come to her place around seven on Friday so there were no worries about work the next day. It all sounded perfect. “See you later,” she said as I dropped her home that night.
“Yes, see you later,” I replied sounding far more confident that I felt. I had not really been with şişli escort girls much at that stage. I was twenty, and if I did meet a girl, I was always too shy to take it further. The longer that went on, the more my lack of experience, ate away the little confidence I did have.
Not that I expected anything to happen, obviously I hoped, but there was Simon and I knew Anna was almost thirty. She had called me a “real baby” when I told her my age, and then had apologised immediately. Probably noting my hurt look, but the words had stuck in my head, and to be fair there was truth in them. I was a bit of a baby, no real girlfriends to speak of, living at home and no band of friends to fill my days with fun. Still for one evening I was going to be alone with Anna, having a meal, in my idea of heaven.
Of course, it was going to be just dinner, but afterwards I could go home and pretend what I wanted to happen had. In the meantime, Anna and I would get to know each other a little better and that was going to be great. My mind drifted to what she would wear and what she would cook. How much effort would she go to, and then I panicked. I should take flowers and wine, or chocolates, or all three, or just one. If just one which one. In the end, I went for an expensive bottle of wine. I was driving home so could not drink, but hopefully she would, and in that there might be possibilities. Who knew?
It was obvious from the moment I stepped over the threshold and said hello, that Anna was not happy. At first, I thought it was about me and coming over and so I tried to tread carefully, not wanting to be sent home. It was hard to know if I was imagining it, or whether I was somehow the root cause of her discontent. However, she seemed oblivious to everything, as we sat in painful silence on her sofa. She had acknowledged the bottle of wine with a curt, “thank you.” That was about all I got from her. All attempts at conversation, “it’s a nice place,” “what have you been up to today,” crashed and burnt, until in desperation I broke my golden “car sharing” rule not to mention the surfer. No sooner had I mentioned the word “Simon” and Anna burst into tears.
I hesitated for a few moments and then decided all I could do was offer comfort, so I sat right next to her and cautiously put my arm around her. In an instant, she lay her head on my shoulder and continued crying. When my arm went very-slowly right around her she snuggled in a little deeper. Amid the sobs she spoke.
“I’m sorry,” she said and when I reassured her, she added, “Just hold me, ok?”
I told her not to worry and to cry if that was what she needed to do. I think I must have read this in a book somewhere, because a voice in my head kept telling me not to say anything and to just cuddle her. Having her head on my shoulder though was great, and although sorry she was sad, I was pretty excited at being so close to her. So, I kept quiet, the warm, wet sensation growing on my shirt as Anna continued to cry her heart out.
Eventually her sobs grew fewer and less intense, before she raised her tear-stained face and looked at me. A wry smile on her slightly make-up smudged face.
“Not the evening I promised you?” She said. I smiled back, hoping I looked sympathetic.
“Want to tell me about it?” I cautiously asked.
And so, she did. It seemed she had phoned Simon, in Hawaii, and had miscalculated the time difference. It was the middle of the night rather than the morning as she expected. A very sleepy, female voice had answered, and in the background a male voice had called out not to answer the phone. The male voice was clearly Simon. Anna had often commented that she imagined Simon shagged anything in a skirt on his surfing trips, and so I knew she had her concerns already. This event had of course pretty much confirmed her worst fears. Simon had told her they were sleeping on the beach, ready to hit the surf at dawn, but Anna was not convinced. Meanwhile I was finding it hard not to be delighted.
The end of the story brought another lengthy crying session, although this time it was mingled with questions which I tried to answer in a sympathetic, supporting and honest (well kind of) way. I even made a half-hearted stab at saying maybe surfer-dude was telling the truth. Anna though continued to sob her heart out.
Suddenly, without really thinking I kissed her on the top of her head. This caused her to stop the crying, in fact she wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her sweater. She looked thoughtful, her eyes narrowing as she looked at me intently, and then she did that cross-eyed thing that she did so often when I stared at her in the car.
“So,” she said, taking a big breath and then releasing it. “Tell me about your love life.” She tried to summon up a smile. “Is it as big a mess as mine?” When the only response she got was silence, she added. “Come on. I don’t remember you ever talking about girls. There must have been one, if not several by now?”
This was a moment of big dilemma for me. Did I lie and say my love life was great? That would make me feel less awkward than telling the truth. Did I lie and say it was a car crash? That felt more sympathetic to Anna’s current situation. Or should I be honest and say it was non-existent. In the end, I was candid. This proved to be difficult, as Anna found it hard to believe I was telling the truth. Questioning me over and over, as though I could have forgotten someone significant. In the end, she got me to confess that I had never kissed a girl before. This made her giggle, and at the same time made me feel uncomfortable. At least I had cheered her up a bit. So often embarrassed people say stupid things and I fell right into this trap.
“Of course, having the most enormous school-boy crush on you, does not help.” I said. My face must have gone bright-red as soon as I had finished speaking. This stopped her in her tracks and she looked at me. I could almost see the thought bubble above her head asking herself whether I was telling the truth. Was I winding her up? I imagined the evidence of my behaviour when I was with her, made it pretty obvious that I was being honest. So, she did not challenge me. Instead she blushed a little, smiled and as she breathed out, she must have done it quite hard, as her exhale made a noise.
“You are so sweet,” she murmured thoughtfully. Slowly, she placed a hand on the side of my cheek and without her eyes leaving mine she gave me a little peck on the lips. That first kiss was hesitant and I don’t think my lips responded, but after a brief pause and a warm smile of reassurance, she reached forward again. This time the kiss was much longer and Anna’s mouth was open just a little. It took a few moments for me to recover from the shock, but in the end, I kissed her back. Once I had responded she slowly pulled her head away and looked at me intently.
“That’s right,” she whispered and I was gently pushed backwards so I lay on the sofa. Anna moved on top of me and we began to kiss repeatedly. I became lost in the pleasure of feeling her moist, soft lips on mine and I tried to mirror the way she opened her mouth by just the right amount when we kissed. I have no idea how long we stayed that way, but by the time she moved her head away, my heart was pounding in my chest.
“You learn fast,” she said, poking me in the ribs playfully. I can feel your heart is racing.” Anna, giggled and then added. “Well now you have kissed a girl, and found out you are pretty good at it.”
“I guess you are a good teacher,” I responded and felt brave enough to reach forward. However, she turned her head to the side, but allowed me to kiss her neck and cheek. Before she grabbed my head, and held it in the right position for our lips to meet, as we enjoyed the longest most wonderful kiss yet. Anna moved slightly to the side, resting her head on her arm and those big blue eyes stared at me. Once again, her incredible smile lit up her face.
“Enjoying yourself?” She teased. Her fore-finger ran lightly over my lips as she spoke and then her face changed. Her look was serious, it told me she wanted more and this got me very excited. My cock went instantly hard in my trousers. She lowered her head and we started another lengthy kissing session, as gradually Anna moved right on top of me.
When she pulled away this time, she made a gentle movement from right to left with her hips, rubbing our two groin areas together.
“Mmmmmmm,” she said, briefly closing her eyes. “I can feel how hard you are.” I must have looked embarrassed or flushed red or something because she added. “Don’t worry. I love feeling you get excited.” Slowly she began to rub again, this time moving up and down.
“Is this ok?” she asked, after a few moments and again I nodded, but as she began to press a little harder, and move a little faster, it began to feel uncomfortable. To be honest it began to hurt, but I was determined to let her carry on. I had no idea where we were going, but was not about to discourage her for anything. However, she must have noticed my discomfort.
“I’m hurting you,” she suddenly said, and although I said she wasn’t, she lifted herself up briefly. Her big blue eyes were fixed on me, as she undid the button and fly of her jeans and pulled them down, wiggling a little to get them over her hips. A pair of white cotton knickers came into view with a little pink bow on them. I imagine my eyes must have gone very wide at that point, because she spoke again. “Lame aren’t they,” she laughed. I went to protest that was not what I meant, but she put her finger to her lips telling me to be quiet. I had raised myself up a little to watch what she was doing, so she pushed me back down onto the sofa again. Her face once again wore that reassuring smile, as she lowered herself on top of me again.
“This will be much nicer,” she said then adding, “for both of us.” I was certain I had now flushed red and I so turned my head away, but her hand pulled it back, so I was looking at her. “Its ok,” she said gently and then added, “kiss me,” and so I did.
Our kiss was every bit as passionate as before, but this time as our lips met she resumed gently rubbing up against me. As once again she pressed harder and moved faster she lifted her head and closed her eyes. She was rubbing so hard and fast now all I could do was lay there and enjoy the moment. Once again it began to feel really uncomfortable, but I didn’t care. I was transfixed by Anna; her eyes were closed, a look of ecstasy on her face, which was so sexy. As she rocked, on every upwards stroke she let out a little cry. Eventually the cry turned into the word, “yes,” which she said repeatedly. The pressure on my dick was intense and I began to feel the urge to come. So, I too closed my eyes desperately trying to hold on and not have an accident.
Anna flopped down on me, grabbed my hands and placed them on her ass, before she rose up again.
“Take them off for me,” she asked, all breathless and high-pitched. So, as she continued rubbing up against me I tugged at her knickers, eventually managing to pull them down. My hands began to grab at her ass. The soft, fleshly mounds of her cheeks felt amazing between my fingers, so warm and soft.
“Oh, fuck that’s sooooo good,” she moaned, “hold my ass just like that.” So, encouraged by her comments I continued pushing her against me, or squeezing her bottom, or running my finger down the valley between the cheeks of her backside.
As she began to moan louder, I knew I had suddenly reached the point of no return, and although I tried to clench every muscle I lost the fight and helplessly I came. A warm, wet sensation immediately spreading across my whole groin area. I was so embarrassed, but Anna seemed oblivious.
“I’m going to come,” she intoned repeatedly, as she moved harder and faster than ever.
Now she pounded away against my now softening cock. She too came with a cry, and flopped down onto my chest, panting for breath. For a few moments we lay like that, before she suddenly lifted up, and replaced her knickers, before rolling to my side.
“Wow,” she said, her forefinger on my lips again, “I really needed that,” before asking. “Was it nice for you too?” I looked down at the big wet patch on my trousers. Anna though just laughed. “That was the best bit,” she said. “Feeling you go all warm and wet, and knowing I had made you lose control pushed me over the edge.” And before I could say anything she kissed me again.
We must have kissed for many minutes, before Anna stopped and then pulled her jeans back up. She awkwardly did up the fly and button and then we were off kissing again. Finally, she pulled away.
“I am sorry,” she said. “I haven’t cooked anything and it’s too late to start now. Are you very hungry?” I said I was, but Anna said she wasn’t. There was a moment’s pause when she seemed to be debating, before she suddenly announced, “I think I am going to throw you out now.” She said. “I have embarrassed myself enough for one night.” And then she said very earnestly. “No one must know about this. OK?” I nodded. “No one. You promise me?” She repeated.
Anna really laboured the point about not ever talking about what had happened. She had gone all cold and distant. Frankly I was both a little confused, and a little hurt. I was ushered out of the house with little ceremony. I reached out for a good night kiss and just got a peck on the cheek. So, within moments of laying on the sofa kissing Anna with all the passion I could muster, I was standing on the wrong side of the front door. The only good thing was it was dark, so no one could see the big wet patch on my trousers. Feeling a strange mixture of sadness and elation I wended my way home.
The beeping noise was sounding in my ears again and I became aware of people in the room whispering. They sounded unsure, but I had no idea what they were talking about and I didn’t really care. I tried to speak, to ask them to turn the noise off, but the words would not come. There were endless other questions too, like what had happened to me and where was I, but the noise was the only thing that mattered to me. It seemed to be the thing keeping me from my wonderful dream. I focussed on returning to where I wanted to be, and soon I was back in the land of my dreams, relieving my experience with Anna.
The beeping sound in the room had changed to a different noise and I realised it was my phone. It was the middle of the afternoon and I had a text from Anna. I had spent the day from early that morning looking at the phone hopefully, but there was nothing. At noon, I broke my vow not to text her and I sent her a message, “are you ok?” It said.
The reply seemed to take an eternity, but it was actually 64 minutes before I got a reply. Not that I was counting! All it said was. “Kind of. You?” I replied a little crossly, “I had been hoping to hear from you,” but then added a softer, “why kind of ok?” It took just a few moments for the message to come back, “oh you know, rowing with Simon and wondering whether to contact you or not. I am glad you sent me a text though.” This sounded positive so I immediately decided to call her, but the phone rang and rang, and then went through to voicemail.
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