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Over the years I have been asked many times about my past. Especially how I came to be living the life that I do. So, I have decided to once and for all set the record straight. My name is Nat, and this is the story of how I came to live at 22 victory close.
When I look back now at who I was before I came to university, I can’t help but laugh. To think I was that innocent, that naïve, that young. I was eighteen the year that l left home and moved into university halls. I remember at the time feeling so grown up, how little I knew.
Before university, I had chosen to take a gap year to get some funds under my belt. A task I failed at miserably. So, with just a student loan behind me I packed up my stuff and headed out into the wide world, well to university at any rate.
I had such high hopes as I left my hometown for new pastures. I remember clearly being driven up to the halls, my parents in the front of the car. I can still remember the looks on their faces in the rear-view mirror as the building finally came into sight. I could see the disapproving expressions hidden behind their fixed smiles, not that I could blame them.
The halls I had chosen to move into were, to put it bluntly, a dive. But they were cheap, and that meant more money I could spend on myself. And I was determined to have a good time spending it.
My boyfriend had dumped me only three weeks before. I wish I could say I had not seen it coming but he had made it quite clear he saw our relationship going nowhere. Translated that meant he had grown tired with my no sex before marriage decree and he had decided to go and get laid. Which he did, a lot.
At least he had broken up with me before sleeping with my best friend, unlike his predecessor. But that was the past. I was at university now, the future still ahead of me! There would be plenty of guys here at uni. At least some of them must understand. Who knows I might even find true love? If only I had known what I was getting into?
I spent most of the first afternoon moving my stuff into the cramped little room off the kitchen that was to be my home for the next year.
My parents were trying to help but mostly kept getting in the way. There was simply not the space for us all to fit, even with my dad walking back and forth to the car. I remember the mix of emotions I felt as we brought my stuff into the new place. The hope and joy at having a place to call my own, tainted slightly by the guilt that I was looking forward to saying goodbye to my parents.
There were three other rooms on my floor, the room next to mine had obviously been taken already, and just as obviously they were out. The rest of the rooms stood empty; their doors open showing the spartan furniture within.
As the day wore on and there was still no sign of anyone else, I began to wonder when the others would move in? What they would be like? and so on.
It seemed almost surreal moving my stuff, that had for so long been a fixture in my old room, into this new and strange place.
My new room was smaller than my old one and it looked a little cramped especially with everything crammed in. But also, a little hollow, a space filled with my stuff but not yet my home.
Once all the stuff I could fit was safely stored, my parents had left not wanting to intrude in my new life. It had been a teary goodbye filled with love and hope but also a strange kind of sadness that my old life was over, and I was entering into a new phase. Never again would things be as they once were. I remember that I had promised to come and visit them often despite the distance to the university and to call my mum whenever my studies would allow.
Once they were gone, I was left alone, I could hear people moving around on other floors and the occasional snippet of conversation from the open window. All of which brought home how alone I was. Sitting in a room that I did not know, in a town hundreds of miles from everything and everyone I knew. The home sickness began creeping into my soul by inches.
I began to crave company more and more as the afternoon moved on to early evening. My other housemates had not materialised, and the flat was starting to feel lonely and depressing in the fading light.
Sat in the quickly darkening flat I decided I needed to go out. I had thought to stay in my room my first night. Spending it getting to know my new housemates but sitting there all alone in the quiet flat I knew I needed to get out for a while or go mad.
Deciding to go out was easy, but where to go? I barely knew the town I was in. I remember walking around the flat despondently, part of my mind searching for ideas on what to do.
While looking through the notices on the chalkboard for the umpteenth time I noticed a flyer that had missed my attention all the other times I had looked. It was a crumpled piece of paper as if it had spent the whole day in someone’s pocket, inviting all new freshers Dikmen Escort to the Students union bar for the freshers welcome party. According to the flyer it would be the perfect place to go and meet some new people.
Seeing the crumpled state of the flyer I could help but wonder about the person who had put it here. I doubted it was someone putting them up in all the halls. But without any more clues I couldn’t say more. At least I knew where I should go now. Besides, maybe I would find my missing house mate.
So, it was with that in mind I had a nice long hot shower, noting as I did the men’s toiletries already in the bathroom. After the shower I got dressed up in a long flowing dress that showed off my curves while covering most of my skin, I wanted to make the right first impression after all and made my way out to the party.
It was a longish walk from my halls to the student union building but it was a pleasantly warm evening with just the hint of a summer breeze. It was so lovely out that the walk was a pleasant distraction from my day so far. I could feel the disappointment and nerves falling away, replaced by a pleasant buzz of anticipation.
I was in such a good mood by the time I reached the university campus that even the wolf whistles and catcalls from obviously drunk students could not dampen my high spirits.
I was in such a daze that I barely noticed the union building until I was right on top of it. My first thoughts as I approached were more than a bit disheartening.
The area directly before the building was filled with people. Everyone standing in little clumps that moved in an intricate dance, never coming too close to another group. It looked as if everyone knew someone they could stand with and were afraid to talk to anyone else.
Alone, I stood at the edge of the crowd. A little of my earlier loneliness began to return and with it came a small quiet voice in my head suggesting that all of this could have been a bad idea.
Would it always be like this? With myself always alone on the outside of the crowd, much as it had been at school and college. That little voice was no stranger and I tried hard not to listen to its promptings, but right then it was so hard.
Taking a deep breath, I quashed that little voice. I was going to enjoy tonight, and that’s all there was to it. There had to be someone else out there in that cowed alone like me. I just had to find them, and even if I didn’t, I could still have a good time here tonight.
With a confidence I didn’t really feel, I joined the queue to enter the building. Looking around for anyone else who was by themselves and looking at all the eye candy on display as well if I am honest with myself.
As I walked through the crowd, I noticed that more than a few heads turned my way as I passed. Some clearly in idle curiosity, but some obviously liking what they saw. Secretly flattered and smiling to myself, I ignored them all. They all looked nice enough, but they were all clearly interested more in my body than me and I was not looking for that.
That was until I saw Him. John. He stood a little taller than the other men around him. He was wearing a bright yellow tee shirt with a small badge with his name clearly written on it on a ribbon around his neck.
As I drew closer, he turned his eyes my way as so many others had done already. I felt it immediately, it was different being under that gaze. His eyes were like a spotlight that lit up my whole body. I thought I would melt from the heat, as his gaze warmed my cool skin, and brought a slow flush to my face.
The moment only lasted a fraction of a second, but it was so intense, that it left me feeling shaken to my core. I had never experienced anything like that before. I lowered my eyes looking at the paving in front of my feet. I had the strangest feeling that if I looked into his eyes for too long, I would drown in them.
Smiling coyly and keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the floor, I walked slowly past him into the hall. I could feel the warmth of his gaze on me the whole way. I was no stranger to attraction, but this was different, electric, it had never taken me so quickly or so completely.
Once inside, and away from that mesmerising gaze, I felt both relieved and a little disappointed that he hadn’t tried to speak to me.
Looking around the room for the first time I was shocked by the sheer press of people. All of them looked as lost and as self-conscious as myself. Here were the people I had been looking for, these people were alone and lost just like me. In a flash of insight I knew that the ones outside had friends, and were out there for the reason they could talk to each other where it was quieter.
Standing in front of all these people I found I was unable to bring myself to approach any of them. The music was loud, undiminished by the press of bodies and sounds of people talking. What would I Eryaman Escort say? if I did approach someone. With this music it would be hard to make myself heard.
Slowly I made my way to the bar deciding that I needed a drink to loosen my nerves, and to recover from my shock outside. I was served at the bar by a beautiful blond woman, in a very tight tee shirt, no older than myself who seemed so rushed that I was surprised she could keep up.
Finally, with drink in hand I stood alone in a corner of the room marvelling over all the people packed into the place. I had been to nightclubs back home, but they felt different than this, the people more varied in age for one thing. All the people here had a similarity that it took me some time to place. They were all out of their depth, reaching for something new.
As the drink flowed from the bar and into the patrons, the awkwardness of the party goers became less and less. People started to talk to one another, some began to dance, others just stood and chatted well shouted. In my corner I just watched it all, nursing my drink, not yet ready to be part of the crowd.
While watching the room, I saw the guy from outside once again. At first my eyes slid over him not really taking in what I was seeing but even if I was not consciously aware of him some part of me must have noticed, as I found my eyes drifting back to his position as if on their own until I consciously registered what kept drawing my attention that way.
John was sitting in a chair not far from my corner. In his lap sat a pair of girls, one on each of his legs, their arms behind his back holding themselves against him as they shouted to each other behind his head.
I looked down at my feet, with tears in my eyes, as I felt jealousy rise unwanted inside of me. This was stupid, I did not even know the guy yet here I was getting teary over seeing him with two girls on his lap. I crushed my feelings with a mix of will and logic. Forcing my eyes to look his way again, wanting to banish these silly feelings once and for all.
As I looked again, I almost had to do a double take. I could not believe what I was seeing. Both girls were gladly taking it in turns to snog him. I could even see from my vantage point the movements of their tongues against the inside of his cheek.
Of course, I had heard about such things happening, but I had always assumed that they were fantasies cooked up by bragging boys. I never really thought that they happened, but here I was not six feet away and it was happening right before my eyes.
He would spend some time kissing one of the girls before she would pull away, then the other girl would turn his head to her, and she would begin while the other watched.
Never had I seen anyone so open about it. I had seen couples kissing before yes, but they had always seemed almost ashamed of it, nothing like this.
Looking round the room I could see that many of the other people around me had had similar reactions as me but we in the minority. For the most part people just ignored it, as if it were normal, something that happened every day.
I could not believe what I was seeing. I just sat there staring. I could not help it. Eventually I had to drag my eyes away. The sad part was that a part of me even now yearned to be one of those girls. Sitting on his lap and kissing him not caring that I was not the only one. Closing my heart, I turned away from the strangely compelling sight and walked bravely out into the room.
I spent most of the rest of the party drinking and chatting to random students. I’ll say something for whatever was happening to me, it brought me out of my shell in a way I never would have before seeing John and his girls. I managed to meet a few nice people and got more than a few phone numbers and offers for a drink, some I was even thinking about taking up.
All too soon the party began to end. Each of the hall wardens began to gather up the students from their hall ready to begin the drunken trek home.
Eventually I stood alone; all the new people I had met had already been called. Waiting for someone to call out the name of my hall. I knew the way back of course but I reasoned that this was my one chance to see who else I would be sharing my home with me for the next year, and so I waited.
Sitting there my thoughts inevitably drifted back to John and his girls. I wondered what halls they were from, if one or both were going to take him home, or maybe they had already left.
So deep in my thoughts was I, my head down lost in thought, that I almost missed the call for my hall. Turning sharply, I turned to see my hall warden for the first time.
My heart simultaneously jumped into my throat and fell into my shoes. Standing there on the stage, with one girl on each arm stood John calling for my hall.
It looked as if my question about if they were going home with him were answered, as Esat Escort well as who my mystery house mate was. Why did he have to be him? Of all the people, why him?
Slowly I rose, an odd mix of excitement and horror merging inside me, the thought of living with him for the next year both exciting me like never before and filling me with dread.
At first, he continued to call for our hall but eventually he became aware of my approach. He watched me as I made my way across the bar, I could clearly see him looking me up and down appraising me openly and clearly liking what he saw despite the presence of the girls on his arms. Part of me started to melt inside all over again, under that appraisal and I had to chide myself my foolishness. How could some guy I had never met have such an effect on me? it was stupid.
As I approached the girls looked at me as well and I got a good look at them for the first time. It was clear that they were both beautiful, not in the traditional blond hair blue eyes way but in a deeper and surer way. As if their beauty came not from a bottle but from within. I knew then that I could never compete with these two; I was no slouch in the looks department, as the new numbers in my phone could testify, but these two looked good even to me.
I nodded to them as I got to the stage, not trusting myself to speak. My insides a turmoil of emotions, made worse by the amount I had had to drink. John just smiled at me with a knowing look sparkling in his eyes and steered us all out into the cold autumn night.
While we had been inside the night had fallen, crisp and clear. We walked most of the way to the hall in silence, each of us lost in our own thoughts. The girls never strayed too far from John’s side, sharing knowing looks with one another every so often. Even if I had not seen them kissing him earlier, it was clear that they had only one thing on their mind.
John for the most part walked with a smug look on his face, I caught him every now and again looking at the two girls on his arms with a look like smouldering embers.
None of us had thought to bring a coat to the party, it had been such a pleasant day. My arms had broken out in goosebumps the second the cold air had touched them, and I kept hugging myself to warm up.
I could clearly see the girl’s hard nipples pushing against the thin fabric of their tops, as they tried to walk snuggled up to johns’ warm body. I could not help but look at them surprised that the girls had come out on a night like this without a bra. but then again looking at them it was not that surprising.
I had a few female friends back home who did the same thing when going out. They claimed it helped in getting them free drinks, but I suspect it was more to do with exciting men than the drink. It was for these two at any rate as they kept moving, making sure that their hard nipples kept brushing his arms.
John for the most part seemed to be almost oblivious to my presence walking along occasionally stopping to kiss one or other of the girls pressing them against a wall while he did. One time I was sure he had his hand up one of their tops caressing her breasts, it was hard to see clearly as he had pushed a little way into a dark alleyway.
Standing there with the other girl, I felt like some pervert watching an intimate moment but that did not stop me, my own breast beginning to tingle as if I too were craving his touch.
Angry and disappointed with myself I turned away and started to walk again but they soon they caught up. Slightly out of breath his arm around both girls once more a big grin plastered on his face.
Not long after that we arrived at our hall. Once inside I went straight to my new bedroom, not wanting to watch John kiss the girl’s goodnight, or even worse yet watch them all head into his room knowing what would undoubtedly happen in there.
I could not lie to myself, part of me wanted to be in that room to be someone that John was kissing, touching, more.
I closed the door a little harder than I had planned, angry with my own turmoil of emotions. Blaming the drink and promising never to drink again, all the while knowing it was not the drink at all.
At first, I just lay on my bed trying to get the room to stop gently spinning but eventually I gave up on that as a lost cause and decided to get ready for bed.
As I was getting undressed, I began to wonder what other promises I had made but would soon be breaking. I knew that I would drink again. I had promised not to drink before, but it never stuck. What other promises I would be willing to break if pushed, but I closed that line of thought with a snap. Down that path madness lay, and climbed into my cold bed.
Lying under my covers, missing my old room and bed, I could hear giggling coming from the room next door. So that answered that question. The girls had gone into his room.
Now I thought about it, It made sense but I had not considered that the walls would be thin enough to hear through. I lay in my bed listening to the sounds of soft voices through the thin wall and trying desperately not to.
Despite my best efforts I could hear giggles and the occasional words come through the wall, the sounds muted but clear enough to let me imagine what was happening only feet away.
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