I Don’t Do One Night Stands- Chapter 3

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Where do I even start? Was it because so much had happened that I couldn’t even keep track of the order of events anymore? Or was it because so little had occurred, that the lack of details were depressing beyond belief, to the point where blocking it out was the only survivable option? I didn’t know. All I knew was that nearly an entire year and half had gone by, and Ian and I were no longer together. What happened? I happened, that’s what. Typical me, ruining every good opportunity in my life; destroying a relationship before it destroyed me. That was the usual “Lexi pattern.” I had succeeded in convincing Ian to believe that my feelings weren’t real. How did I pull it off? Let’s pause and rewind, shall we? “Lexi?” There was suddenly a knock at my door. “Can I come in?” “Yeah, come on in.” I put my pen down, shut my diary, and tucked it away in the drawer of my nightstand. My torturous stroll down memory lane would have to wait. The door opened and in walked my best friend, Amber. “Hey babes, are you all packed for tomorrow?” “Yep,” I forced a smile. “Great!” She sat down on the desk chair in my dorm room and studied me. “Are you alright?” “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just trying to nap a bit.” “Oh, I’m sorry.” Amber was about to get up. “No, it’s okay. I just haven’t been sleeping well lately.” “Is it because of the therapy?” “Yeah,” “You know you can always talk to me about it.” “I know. I appreciate it, Amber. I’m okay though, I promise.” She really was an amazing friend. No matter what kind of crisis I went through, she was always at my side. The girl had chopped her wavy brown locks really short, dyeing the tips electric blue. She looked like a rock star with that sparkly eye makeup and hot pink gloss. I admired her for being so bold with her sense of style. She didn’t take shit from no one. People naturally loved her personality because she was so down to earth. “Are you excited about this trip? I can’t believe we’re finally flying out to Ibiza!” she exclaimed. “You’re pronouncing it wrong,” I laughed. “It’s supposed to sound like Ibi-tha, the ‘z’ is silent.” “Oh, well, whatever—just think of all the hot guys we’ll meet and all the club hopping we’ll do. I swear, I brought like fifteen different bikinis with me, and we’re only going away for a week!” She sounded so excited. “I think we both went a little overboard at the Bikini Hut,” I added. “Do you think he-who-shall-not-be-named will be there?” “Amber, it’s okay, you can say his name. I’m over it. I’ve been over it for the longest while. And no, I doubt Ian will be there—being a huge break out DJ and all. He’s finally achieved the fame he’s always wanted. He won’t be doing small time gigs.” “The guy came off sounding pretty arrogant in that interview I saw him do last week. I didn’t tell you about it because I thought it would upset you, but the fame’s clearly gotten to his head.” Shortly after we split, his star began to rise. I had done everything possible to avoid seeing and hearing about him. He was all over the news, YouTube, Twitter, every social media outlet you can think of. I’d walk by news stands on the street and I would see his face plastered on the front page of an entertainment magazine; DJ IJ Parties it up in Rome… DJ IJ and Mystery Woman Leave Hotel in Prague… DJ IJ Checks in to Rehab… Those headlines always left this empty feeling in my chest whenever I read that garbage. It was easier to turn a blind eye and pretend like the breakup never happened, and that I never met him in the first place. “Anyways,” Amber stretched. “I’ll let you get some rest. Call you in the morning, boo.” “’Night, sweetie.” I stood up and hugged my friend before she left. Now it was just me, myself, and the haunting memories that materialized in my mind… “What the bloody hell, Lexi? What do I need to do to get you to see that I want to be with you? I can’t keep playing these games.” “I’m not playing games, Ian. We tried to make this work. It’s failing.” “Only because you want it to fail!” “Look, you’ve finally gotten the opportunity of a lifetime. You’ve been dreaming of this moment, and I’m not going to get in the way of that!” “Yes, and I’m feelin’ bloody fuckin’ fantastic about it, but that doesn’t mean we have to break up. Why do you keep jumpin’ at every opportunity to break things off with me?” “Because there is no way our relationship can last while you’re touring the world and I’m stuck here doing school.” “It can last. We’ll keep in touch. I’ll fly out to you or fly you out to me whenever you’re on break. Babe, come on, we’re stronger than this…” “Do you honestly believe you’ll have a flexible schedule now? Wake up Ian! Please be realistic.” “I am being realistic. You’re the one who’s damning us to hell!” “This is an act of selflessness. I’m putting you first! I’m setting you free!” We argued back and forth inside his hotel room in Toronto. “You want me to be free?’ Ian looked at me with an expression I had never seen before. “I’ll show you freedom.” He grabbed his black leather jacket and headed towards the door before he turned around and said, “Hope you’re happy, Lexi. You’ve officially broken me. Do me a favor and don’t be here when I get back. I don’t ever want to see you again.” He walked out on me and I immediately broke down crying as soon as the door slammed shut. This was the last time we ever saw each other. I didn’t want to hold him back, and I didn’t think my insecurities were unjustified. Now he was this famous celebrity and everyone wanted a piece of him. He was a global chick magnet and I just couldn’t handle the stress of dealing with all the cons that came with being with a person who was constantly in the public eye. I wasn’t envious of his fame. Of course I wanted to make my mark in this world somehow, someday, but I wouldn’t be doing it through acting, modelling, much less DJ-ing. Ian had worked hard to earn his fame, and I felt like our worlds would clash. A part of me believed I would no longer belong in his fast lane lifestyle. I didn’t want to give my heart to somebody who would end up leaving me. But I was only deceiving myself, because he already had my heart, whether I liked it or not. That good looking Irishman took it with him everywhere he went from the day I finished us. An entire year and a half had gone by and I was still single, still battling issues regarding intimate relationships, and still reluctant to give anybody a shot. In short, I was neurotic as ever, and still a self-proclaimed ice princess. I was proud of my title. Not.oOo Ibiza. The world’s biggest party capital. Amber and I had flown out yesterday Escort Göztepe with a few of our friends, Nick and Sarah. We were staying at an all-inclusive resort and had these awesome tickets to go on a boat party, which basically consisted of parading around in skimpy bikinis, sipping back cocktails, and dancing to beats while cruising the Mediterranean. My friends didn’t want to leave Spain without experiencing a party out to sea. I was wearing a black, stringed bikini with my hair down and shades on, dancing in the sunshine, as a DJ worked a set on the yacht. The usual flock of men hovered around me like vultures, waiting for me to give them enough eye contact to make a move. But I didn’t want to be approached by anyone. Most of these guys were just looking for an easy lay. All I wanted was to have a good time with my friends. Nick and I had a thing at one point, but never got serious and we never hooked up that way. I mean, we dated a brief while, (like a month) but never made it to the bedroom. He was a good looking guy, don’t get me wrong. He was tall, athletic, blue eyes, dark brown hair… but he wasn’t Ian. Sarah was recently crushing on him. Amber cheered and hollered, waving her drink in the air as she began to dance with the music. I liked her blue bikini, looked great with her blue hair. This vacation was starting out amazing. I was actually enjoying myself. Ultimately, I never wanted to go through life with regrets, though I already had too many. “Ladies and gents, can I have your attention please?” The music suddenly died down, as the DJ made an announcement. “I’ve got a special surprise for you all today. One of my best friend’s is on this boat right now, and he’s someone you all know. I’m sure you’re all a huge fan of him too.” He paused for a climactic buildup as the crowd started cheering. “Alright people, put your hands up for Deeeeeejaaaaaaay I-Jaaaaaaay!” “Oh-my-god…” Amber squeezed in next to me, almost spilling her drink. “Holy crap, Ian’s here!” Sarah exclaimed. Well, duh! I wasn’t freaking blind! Nick gave me a worried look. He knew about my history with Ian. How did I feel at this exact given moment? My world had flipped upside down, and I couldn’t understand how I was still standing with my feet on the floor. The house music faded out, as Ian put on his headphones and dominated the deck. “Lexi, you okay?” Amber appeared in front of me. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Thank god I had shades on. I really didn’t want her to see the tears in my eyes. “I can’t believe he’s here,” she continued. “This is the worst time to be on a boat. It’s not like we can exactly escape.  “Ewww” Sarah squealed. “Look at those sluts dancing next to him!” “Come on, Lexi,” said Nick. “There’s plenty of room on this boat. We don’t have to stick around and watch.” He always felt so protective of me. “Why would should we escape?” I looked at my friends. “We paid to come and have a good time, and we’re going to do exactly that, Ian or no Ian.” I fabricated a convincing smile and started to dance. The gang still looked a little worried, but once Ian dropped a Hardwell track, they started moving to the beats. He looked good. Shit, he looked amazing. He seemed happy, and for some reason that completely gutted me. Of course he would be happy. You’re a curse, remember? Ian’s reached his dreams and he did it without you. This was seriously the worst time to start beating myself up. “I need another drink!” Amber linked her arm around my mine and pulled me away from the dancing crowd. Thank God Ian didn’t see me. I wanted to hide. But where could I go? If there was ever a time where I wished I could turn into a mermaid and live eternally under the sea… that was it right there. “Just ignore him.” Amber handed me a shot and we both swigged back the vodka. “I’m seriously fine,” I told her. “Besides, how the hell can I ignore him when he’s up on a podium with all these people screaming his name?” “You need to show him that you’re totally over him. Dance with Nick.” “Amber, I’m not the scorned lover here. I broke up with Ian, remember? He has every right to feel hostile towards me. Whether he’s single or taken, it’s his life. He can live it however he wants.” “Do you regret your decision?” she asked. “No.” I was lying to myself. I didn’t regret letting him go because he got famous. I regretted my decision because I was still madly in love with him. The thick sheet of ice that I had blockaded around my heart, instantly melted upon first gaze. Now all I felt was this excruciating sting inside my chest. It was a painful reminder that my heart was still beating, still alive, and still yearning for something that I’ve always wanted but had continuously denied myself of; love. I watched him on stage, working double decks, flawlessly beat matching and transitioning tracks. He always got so into it. I could tell that music and producing was truly his passion, just like writing was mine. That killer smile always melted me. He raised his arms in the air, getting the crowd more hyped up for the drop that was approaching in the song. I noticed the way he kept doing this really cute thing with his right hand during melodies—looked like he was running his fingers along floating piano keys. “Come on, champ! You need another shot!” Amber handed me the shot glass and I gladly threw back the liquor, embracing the burning sensation at the back of my throat. We hung by the bar for a while until I was halfway intoxicated. It was such a bad idea to get drunk. Just keep a low profile, and hang back in the crowd. He won’t see you.oOo I was relieved when the yacht finally anchored by the harbor. Ian only worked a set for an hour. Seeing him again really messed me up inside. It was like self-inflicted chest rape. I was relieved to get off that party boat. All I wanted to do was go back to our hotel, drown my sorrows with some more alcohol, and sleep it off till noon the next day. “Excuse me, Ms. Milani?” I turned around, feeling unexpectedly intimidated by the bulky guy towering over me. “How do you know my name?” “I’m here to relay a message to you.” He handed me a folded note and waited. I slid my sunglasses on top of my head and read the hand writing.Saw you in the crowd. Didn’t like the way we left things last time. Can we talk and catch up? Just want to see how you’re doing. -Ian x “So, is that a yes?” the stranger asked me. “Um…” I honestly didn’t know what to think. I was nervous, somewhat nauseous, but most of all, I was bordering on an anxiety attack. I tried to remember the advice my therapist Caddebostan escort gave me two weeks ago; Stop running away from situations where you have to open up to people, Lexi. It’s okay to feel emotionally exposed around loved ones. They’re called loved ones for a reason. “Lexi, what’s going on?” Nick asked me. “Who is this guy? He giving you trouble?” “Hardly, pal. Back off.” The man gave him a hostile glare. He was twice Nick’s size and had a hint of a Brooklyn accent. “No one’s giving me trouble, Nick,” I reassured him and showed Amber the note. Her mouth literally dropped wide open. “Don’t mean to rush you,” said the man. “But I’m sort of on a time crunch here.” He tapped his watch and looked at me. “She’s going.” Amber spoke up. “What? No, I can’t.” “Lexi, this is a good thing. You need to talk to him.” “Talk to who?” Nick questioned. “Ian,” Sarah replied. “Guys, I can’t. Too much time has passed. It’ll be awkward.” “I agree with Lexi.” Nick swung his arm around my shoulder. “How about we all head over to a bar on the beach? My treat.” He tried to dissuade me. Amber rolled her eyes and pulled me away from him. “Look, if he didn’t want to talk to you, he wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of sending Mr. Schwarzenegger-lookalike to extend an invitation.” The guy folded his massive arms in his chest and quirked an eyebrow at her. “She meant that as a compliment,” Sarah nervously giggled and touched his bicep. “Oh my, what big guns you have!” It took a while for me to respond, but I eventually surrendered. “Fine. I’ll go.”oOo I was escorted on to a huge, luxury yacht that was much bigger and definitely way more expensive than the party boat. There were approximately fifteen people on board. Young men and women dressed in swimwear, mingling with drinks in hand and enjoying the weather and music. They must’ve been Ian’s friends. I recognized the song that was playing; Py, Swimming Slow. It was the Sweater Beats remix, if memory served me well. “So, um… do you have a name?” I asked the man that was guiding me through the yacht. I was just crazy nervous and needed to strike up some convo to calm down. “Dino,” he answered, leading me towards the back, where a handsome man was standing, facing the ocean. He was dressed in white swimming trunks and a light blue shirt, rolled up at the sleeves. “She’s here, boss.” No, no, please don’t leave me alone with him. My heart was pounding fast, as I held my breath as soon as Ian turned around. I’m sure I looked like I had seen a ghost. His shirt was undone all the way, revealing an attractively tanned and toned body… a body I had touched, kissed, and slept with. “Well, come give us a hug, will ya?” He smiled and opened his arms, while I just stood there, statuesque. “Lexi,” he took a step forward, and I swear it was like a tsunami was approaching behind him. Because as soon as I embraced him, I felt myself getting pulled under the powerful tidal wave, drowning in a sea of emotion. Everything came rushing back. All those feelings, the insane physical attraction. I secretly wished I could freeze time and just breathe him in forever. I didn’t want to let go. This moment was perfect. Being in his arms again felt like home. It was as if my body had been tense ever since we departed, but finally relaxed once it came in direct contact with his. “I’m glad you came,” he murmured in my ear in that sexy Irish accent, hugging me tightly. My breasts were literally pressed against his chest, and I was worried that he would feel my heart pounding like a bass drum. I still hadn’t breathed a word, only because I was too overwhelmed by all the feelings that were hitting me at once. It was too much for me to handle while slightly intoxicated. I exhaled slowly, familiarizing my body with the feel of his, after such a long separation. How did I ever let this man go? What the hell is wrong with me? I silently scolded myself. This wasn’t just an ordinary hug. I was living the past year and a half with a soul that was on the verge of dying. But as soon as we embraced, I felt a transference of essence between our bodies, like some cosmic exchange of energy that awakened something inside me. I didn’t want to let go, and he just held me without restraining affection. I think he knew that I needed this. Ian could always read me like a book. In fact, he wouldn’t even need to open me up to know what the pages contained. He just—somehow—knew. “You look really good,” I pulled back and tried to seal off my overflowing emotional well. “You look happy.” “I am,” he smiled again, still gripping my hips. A part of me wished he was happy because he had ran into me again, but I knew better. Why did this magnetic attraction exist between us? How come every time I was within a five foot radius of this man, all I wanted to do was naturally gravitate towards him? Did he feel the same way too? I was suddenly assaulted with flickering images of Ian’s body on top of mine, moving between my legs while we both lay naked in tousled sheets. “Still a stunner,” he complimented me. “It’s no wonder I was able to notice you in the crowd.” An embarrassing shade of blush began to spread across my cheeks. I was speechless. I honestly had no idea what to say to him. The shock of just standing face to face again had not yet left my system. “Ian, I…” The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I was clearly having difficulty saying them. “Let’s leave the past where it belongs, Lexi.” He gave a wistful smile. I guess he knew what I wanted to say. “So, tell me, where’s the lucky lad?” I looked at him in confusion. “I’m not following…” He chuckled and folded his arms in chest. “The boyfriend, where is he?” Did he honestly believe that I was able to move on from him? I knew it was almost two years that had passed, but Ian was not someone that I could just get over. I thought I could, but I was wrong. “No boyfriend in the picture.” “You’re kiddin’ right?” “Why would I lie? You know me, the emotional cripple.” His gaze was inquisitive, and I felt like he was undressing me with his eyes. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” “I don’t know how else to look at you, babe.” Babe, I actually missed him calling me that. “You always reply with that answer.” “And you always ask me that question,” he chuckled. I missed seeing him smile and laugh and just being happy. The last time we parted ways, he looked so unbelievably crushed. I cried my eyes out for months with that constant image playing on loop in my mind; Ian ripping his mutilated heart out of his chest and dropping it Bağdat Caddesi escort bayan on the floor before walking out. I often had nightmares like this. I’d find myself standing in that hotel room, breaking up with Ian all over again, and watching him pick up his bleeding heart, in hopes that I could put it back inside his chest. But as soon as I’d hold the bloodied organ, it would turn into black sand and slip through my fingers. Yeah, pretty graphic. I really needed to hug him again. The first one didn’t linger long enough to alleviate the aching feeling. “So, why did you really send me that note?” “It’s been too long—just wanted to see how you were doin’.” Well, that was logical enough. The wind whipped my hair around my face, but I never took my eyes off him. “I assume you’re on vacation?” he asked. “Yes, flew in with Amber and some friends yesterday. We’ll be in Ibiza for the next five days. I didn’t expect to see you here. I thought you’d be touring France.” “Are ya stalkin’ my concert schedule?” he grinned. “What? No! I just happened to browse online and got curious.” “Right,” he stifled a laugh. My god, how was it possible for this man to be so good looking? He had the most expressive eyes I had ever encountered in my life. “So, are you sure you’re not dating anyone?” Ian questioned with suspicion. “Because you looked pretty cozy with that guy on the boat.” “Nick? No, he’s just… I mean, he’s interested in me, but we’re not officially… we’re complicated.” Smooth, real smooth. “What about you? I’ve seen you in a couple tabloids with a mystery woman. So, spill it, who is she?” He was about to answer, when someone called out his name. I turned around and saw a bombshell blonde walking towards us. She looked like a Victoria’s Secret model, dressed in a peach colored bikini, strutting in six inch, open toe heels. Her hair was cut in a short bob, and her eyes were viper green. “Is this your friend, zolotse?” she spoke in a thick Russian accent. I was familiar with that language. My grandmother spoke it fluently. Despite the freezing climate in Russia, the language was rich with warm and affectionate terms of endearment. Zolotse meant, “my gold.” “Uh, yeah—Lexi, this is Anya—Anya, Lexi.” I extended my right hand to be polite and make a formal acquaintance, but she just gave me a dirty look, wrapped her arms around Ian’s waist and started kissing his neck. There was nothing innocent about it. This was basic Alpha female psychology. She was silently communicating that this man was hers, and warning me to keep my paws off. “Um, Anya…” Ian laughed uneasily and tried to make her stop acting like a bitch in heat. “Not here, babe.” Babe. I felt a twinge of jealousy. How stupid of me to believe that he would only use that pet name on me. I had long expired its use. It no longer belonged to me, and he was no longer mine. Then how come I was feeling so twisted inside? “Well, it was nice seeing you again,” I said to him. “I better get going.” “Lexi, wait,” he called out, untangling himself from Anya’s arms. “Why don’t you stay? We’re just goin’ to cruise the island for a couple hours.” “I’d love to, but I really have to get back to my friends. They’re expecting me.” So I said a little white lie to get out of the awkwardness. Big deal. “Oh, okay. Well, I wanted to give you these.” He reached into his back pocket. “Are those tickets to your show tonight?” “Yeah, I’ll be spinning a set at Orchid nightclub. How many extras you need for your friends?” “Ian, you don’t have to, I—” “Don’t be silly, I want you there.” “I just…” “Lexi,” he placed his hand on my shoulder and looked straight through me. “It would honestly mean a lot to me if you came to my show, please?” How could I say no? “There’s four of us all together.” He handed me the passes and smiled so genuinely, it hurt my heart to just hold his gaze. “I expect to see you.” “I’m not sure if you could spot me through a crazy crowd.” “I could find you in a crowd of thousands. You stand out. You always stand out. That hasn’t changed. Besides, these tickets are VIP, so you’ll be up close and center.” Why did he have to be so charming? It only made old feelings that I had long buried, rise to the surface. “Lyubov moy,” Anya called out in her native tongue. “Come. I miss you.” She had a really nasal sounding voice. It wasn’t very pleasing to my ears. “Yeah, just a sec,” Ian answered. I wanted to get off that yacht. As soon as I saw his girlfriend I didn’t feel comfortable anymore. I felt vulnerable and was worried that everyone he’d introduce me to would know I had feelings for him. Do I? Just how deep? I asked myself. “I’ll see you later.” I tried to sound cheerful. “Tonight, I hope?” “Tonight.” I forced the muscles in my face to move, and finally offered him a genuine smile.oOo 1:00AM- Orchid Nightclub Ian’s set was amazing. He played for three hours, dropping the best electro house beats of the year, including some mind blowing tracks he produced on his latest album, Hypnotism. I always knew he was incredibly talented. He looked like a god up there on that stage, completely in his element. I think I had a thing for DJ’s and producers, especially good looking talented ones. I had a genuine respect for his passion and absolutely loved music. I couldn’t live without it. To watch him influence people’s feelings and set the tone of the atmosphere with synthesized melodies that he produced, was just incredible to witness and experience. Electronic music was so emotional. It wasn’t just computer noises. People who were ignorant to that genre were always quick to draw such a conclusion. Ian was just so into it. He started clapping his hands in the air, getting the crowd more excited. He was a natural. He was born to do this. I was in the front row between Amber and Nick. There were sexy go-dancers, moving their bodies in synchronized choreography on the stage, but he honestly didn’t need them there. I wasn’t thinking that as a “jealous ex-girlfriend,” he was pleasing enough on the eyes, and his music is what made the experience so epic. I guess I was biased because I identified as a heterosexual woman. There were plenty of guys and probably bisexual, lesbian chicks in the crowd, who definitely appreciated the female eye candy on his set. When the last song finally faded out, Ian took the mic. “Thank you Ibiza! You guys have been one of the best crowds ever. I always look forward to comin’ down here when I’m tourin’. I wouldn’t be where I am today without my amazin’ fans. Thank you truly from the bottom of my heart. Drink up, party hard, and stay safe tonight. I love you Ibiza!” The crowd went wild, cheering as their idol walked off the set. “Oh my god, Lexi, that was incredible!” Amber exclaimed. “I don’t know, I’ve seen better,” Nick added. I rolled my eyes at him. I wasn’t sure if his opinion was expressed out of honesty or jealousy. “Let’s get our drink on!” said Sarah.

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