The 12 Days of Christmas – The True story

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The 12 Days of Christmas – The True storyTHE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMASDAY ONE:Dearest Bob,I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift.I couldn’t have been more surprised.With deepest love and affection,VioletDAY TWO:Dearest Bob,Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Justimagine…two turtle doves!!I’m delighted at your very thoughtful gift.They are just too adorable.My everlasting love,VioletDAY THREE:My Dear Bob,Oh! Aren’t you the extravagant one!Now I actually must protest.I don’t deserve such generosity-three French hens! They are just darling, but I must insist-you’ve been too, too kind.All my love,VioletDAY FOUR:Dear Bob,Today the postman delivered four calling birds.Now really they ARE beautiful. But don’t you think enough is enough?You are just being too romantic.Love,VioletDAY FIVE:Dear Bob,What a marvelous surprise! Today the postman delivered five gold rings.One for every finger. You’re just impossible, but I love it.To tell you the truth,all avcılar escort these birds really squawk a lot and are getting on my nerves.Affectionately,VioletDAY SIX:Bob,Today the postman knocked and ran. When I opened the door therewere actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps.So, you’re back on the birds again.Those geese are huge! Where in the name of creation will I keep them?The neighbors are complaining, rightfully so,and it is impossible to sleep through this racket.Now let this be the end of this.Cordially,VioletDAY SEVEN:Bob,What the hell’s with you and these fucking birds?!? Seven swans-a-swimming? What kind of goddamn joke is this?There’s bird shit all over the house and they never stop with the racket.Stop with this sadistic nonsense.This is not funny and I am very unhappy.Sincerely,VioletDAY EIGHT:O.K. Pal ! !WHAT IN THE SCREAMING HELL AM I GOING TO DOWITH EIGHT MAIDS-A-MILKING?JESUS!!!I THINK I PREFER THE GODDAMN BIRDS!THE GODDAMN MAIDS-A-MILKING HAD TO BRING THEIR GODDAMN COWS.THERE IS COW SHIT ALL beylikdüzü escort OVER MY LAWN AND BIRD SHIT ALL OVER THE HOUSE.I CANNOT MOVE MY FEET.JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE,SMARTASS.DAY NINELISTEN SHITHEAD ! !YOU’RE A SADISTIC BASTARD!NOW I HAVE NINE PIPERS PIPING IN MY FRONT YARDAND THEY ARE STANDING KNEE DEEP IN COW SHIT.THIS AFTER CHASING THOSE MAIDS ALL NIGHT LONG. CONSEQUENTLY,UPSETTING THE COWS TO THE POINT THAT THEY ARE STEPPING ALL OVERTHOSE GODDAMN SCREECHING BIRDS.THE NEIGHBORS HAVE STARTED A PETITION TO EVICT ME.UP YOURS ! ! !DAY TENYOU ROTTEN PRICK ! ! !NOW THERE’S TEN LADIES DANCING.I DON’T KNOW WHY I CALL THOSE SLUTS “LADIES”.THEY’VE BEEN BALLING THOSE GODDAMN PIPERS ALL NIGHT LONG.NOW THE GODDAMN COWS CAN’T sleep AND THEY’VE GOT DIARRHEA!EVERYTHING HAS TURNED TO A RIVER OF SHIT ! !THE COMMISSIONER OF ZONING AND THE BUILDING INSPECTORHAVE SUBPOENAED ME TO GIVE JUST CAUSEWHY MY HOME SHOULDN’T BE CONDEMNED.I’M CALLING THE POLICE ! !I MEAN IT. BY GOD !DAY ELEVENLISTEN FUCKHEAD ! ! ! !NEVER IN MY WILDEST IMAGINATION esenyurt escort DID I EVER THINKTHAT I WOULD BE WITNESS TO ELEVEN LORDS-A-LEAPINGON THAT MANY MAIDS AND “LADIES”.THEY TOOK THOSE BROADS LIKE GRANT TOOK RICHMONDAND THEY WILL NEVER WALK EXACTLY RIGHT AGAIN.I WASN’T THE ONLY WITNESS, BY THE WAY.THE “60 MINUTES” CAMERA CREW AND STAFF ARE JUST NOWLOADING UP THEIR CAMERA AND EQUIPMENT ON A CHARTERED PLANEAND ARE RACING AGAINST TIME TO HAVE THEFIRST CHRISTMAS SPECIAL ON PAY TV.FOR THE RECORD, ALL 23 OF THOSE GODDAMN BIRDS ARE DEAD.THEY WERE TRAMPLED TO DEATH IN THE ORGY.AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, SOMEHOW, SOME DAY, I’LL GET YOU ! ! ! !I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FUCKING FACE AGAIN AS LONG AS I LIVE!MISS VIOLET MONICA HABERSHANDAY TWELVELAW OFFICESGOLDSTEIN, SILVERBERG AND O’REILLYDear Sir:This is to acknowledge receipt of your latest gift,twelve drummers drumming, which you have seen fit to inflictupon our client, Miss Violet Monica Habershan.The destruction, of course, was total.All correspondence should come to our attention.If you should attempt to reach Miss Habershanat the Charter Glade Sanitarium,the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight!With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.Regards,

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