Think About It
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The call didn’t sound like a robocall. There was no slight pause after answering, and the silly, giggly, oh-so-pink voice on the other end sounded like an actual person. But Jade figured that a robocall was exactly what it was, and it wasn’t a funny one. No real person actually sounded so brainless and ditzy. And no real person would call and ask such a stupid thing.“If you’d like to, um, hear a fact about tits, push one. If you don’t wanna, push two. If you, like, hang up, um, we’ll try back.”Jade pushed two and hung up. The call was just one more annoying, objectifying, stupid thing on top of an already annoying, objectifying, and stupid day at the office. Already, the new guy, Lance had given her bottom a pat when she’d shown him to his office. Her boss, Mr. Barret, was his usual, demeaning self, calling her “sweetie,” or, “honey,” every time he summoned her to his office. What made this worse was that he continually interrupted her work for menial tasks that he could easily do himself.“Could you fetch me a coffee, sweetie?”“Would you take this down the hall to Jenkins, honey?”“Could you put this reference guide back up on the shelf, darling?”Jade did it, of course. He was the boss. Each time she’d perform one of these tasks, she could feel his eyes on her bottom or her breasts, even though her attire was completely office-appropriate. At lunch, the text message came.“If you’d like to, um, read a fact about tits, reply Y. If you don’t wanna, reply N. If you, like, don’t do somepin, we’ll try back.”Certain that one of her pig co-workers was playing a prank, Jade pushed N and locked her phone. When she got back to her desk, it was an email.“If you’d like to, um, read a fact about tits, click here. If you don’t wanna, click here. If you, like, don’t do nothin, we’ll try back.”Now it was getting ridiculous. Jade clicked for no, then clicked to “report spam,” and went on with her work. She nearly cursed at her phone when it rang again near the end of the day and that same, silly, giggly, oh-so-pink voice repeated the question.“If you’d like to, um, hear a fact about tits, push one. If you don’t wanna, push two. If you, like, hang up, um, we’ll try back.”“Stop calling me!” Jade hissed into the phone. “Nobody wants to hear facts about… about breasts!”She hung up and blocked the number. A new message came only moments later, from an unknown number, with the same goddamn message!“If you’d like to, um, read a fact about tits, reply Y. If you don’t wanna, reply N. If you, like, don’t do somepin, we’ll try back.”Jade sighed and figured this was only going to end if she just gave in and let the voice tell her a fact about breasts. And so, she pushed Y. The reply came a second later, obviously a canned response.“Fact: A girl’s intelligence decreases proportionally with the size of her tits. Bigger=dumber. Think about it.”Jade muttered to herself and deleted the message. That sınırsız gaziantep escort wasn’t a fact. That was nonsense. But she couldn’t help but think about it.Jade had large breasts but she didn’t think she was any less intelligent than anyone else in her office. Still, she found herself thinking about it throughout the evening. Before long, she was mentally comparing her breasts with those of other intelligent and successful women she knew.Alice, the head of accounting, had relatively small breasts. She drove a BMW and was respected in the office. Brenda, the desk girl in the lobby, had large, round breasts that she showed off a lot. Brenda was always making mistakes and she drove an old Toyota. Carol, the VP of the company, had small breasts and drove a Mercedes. Everyone respected Carol. Jade had breasts nearly as large and round as Brenda’s, but she wore tight sports bras to crush them to her chest and make them seem smaller.As she dwelt on this, she began to wonder if she was, in reality, trying to give people the illusion that she was smarter than she really was by making her breasts look smaller. Was the voice right? Was it really a fact? She went to bed that night, thinking about her breasts, how large they were, and feeling somewhat ashamed that she wasn’t smarter and more successful.The next morning, it was another phone call.“If you’d like to, um, hear a fact about tits, push one. If you don’t wanna, push two. If you, like, hang up, um, we’ll try back.”Jade moved to push two this time, but she had a sense of unease, after spending all night thinking about her breasts. Maybe it couldn’t hurt to know one more fact. She pushed one.“Fact: Every person is more interested in discussing your tits than hearing your opinion on any subject. Think about it.”The line clicked. Jade thought that this was rubbish. No person with any decency would be more interested in having a conversation about her tits, than having a conversation of substance. It wasn’t a fact. It was a stupid prank.But Jade thought about it on the way to work, as she drove her Toyota, only two years newer than Brenda’s. She thought about it on the way up the elevator to her floor, and she thought about it as she sat down to read her email. She thought about it when Mr. Barret called her into his office for coffee, and she thought about it as she poured him one cream and no sugar.On the way back to his office, she paused and adjusted her tits, now even thinking about her tits as tits. When she brought him the coffee back, she decided to put the facts to the test.“Mr. Barret, sir,” she said timidly as she set the coffee down.Barret raised his head from his desk and looked at her tits. Jade blushed.“Do you think that the recent downturn is going to have a negative effect on our ability to produce and hit this quarter’s goals?” gaziantep sınırsız escort bayan she asked.It was an intelligent question. It was a reasonable question. It was the kind of question that a valued and respected coworker might ask. Mr. Barret looked right at her tits.“I’m sorry, honey,” he said, “what was that? My head was somewhere else.”Jade blushed furiously and, rather than assert herself and repeat the question, or direct his eyes from her tits, she simply mumbled and left the office. When she returned to her desk, humiliated, there was an email in her inbox.“If you’d like to, um, read a fact about tits, click here. If you don’t wanna, click here. If you, like, don’t do nothin, we’ll try back.”Jade moved to delete the email, but she paused, looked about, and clicked the link to receive a further fact about tits.“Fact: Girls with the biggest tits and smallest brains are happier when they show them off. Think about it.”Jade thought this sounded ridiculous. No one could be happier just by showing off their big tits. Just because she was a little dumber than girls with smaller tits, didn’t make her any less happy when she covered them up. There was no scientific basis for this fact, and Jade knew it. Didn’t she?For the rest of the day, Jade thought about it. She thought about it so much that she had to stay over to finish an important assignment. She hadn’t finished the assignment because she’d been thinking about her tits and the tits of other women she worked with.Brenda, at the front desk, was always happy. She showed off her tits every day in her skimpy tops. Brenda was popular around the office because she was always happy. As she walked to her car, she wondered about it. All that night, she thought about her tits, feeling ashamed that she wasn’t more popular and liked and happy. Her tits were big so, that should mean she was happier, but she was not.The next day, Jade did not wear a sports bra. Instead, Jade wore a normal bra and left two of her buttons undone. The effect gave her just a hint of cleavage and, when she looked at herself in the mirror, she thought it did look just a touch attractive. Feeling a touch attractive made her happier. There was a text message on her phone.“If you’d like to, um, read a fact about tits, reply Y. If you don’t wanna, reply N. If you, like, don’t do somepin, we’ll try back.”Jade replied Y.“Fact: Girls with big tits don’t have to work as hard.”Jade didn’t agree with this fact because she had big tits and worked very hard. At least, in comparison to say, Brenda. But Brenda’s tits were probably bigger and Brenda did have an easier job. They drove nearly identical cars, which likely meant that they made close to the same amount of money. Half the time when Jade walked by Brenda’s desk, she was doing her nails, fussing with her hair, or texting gaziantep sınırsız escort on her phone. This caused Jade to wonder what, if any, work Brenda actually did.When she arrived at the office, her coworkers glanced more frequently at her tits. Her big tits that she was now showing off, just slightly. She should have felt objectified and foolish, she knew, but the pleasant nods, polite greetings, and people opening doors for her did make her feel happier.When she was called to Mr. Barret’s office that morning, rather than sending her for coffee, he looked at her tits and asked her to have a seat. Then, she was shocked when he paged Lance and asked if he could bring a coffee down to the office.“New look?” Barret asked as Jade sat across from his desk.“Um, not much,” she said. “Just a new top. I should really get back to work, sir. I have a lot to catch up on.”Barret waved that off and said, “Oh, don’t worry about that, sweetie. Just stay and chat a bit. You can get me that report next week.”Stunned, Jade crossed her legs and listened to Mr. Barret talk about golf for fifteen minutes, while he sipped coffee delivered by a grumbling Lance. He discussed golf while he looked at her tits, which made Jade blush. It should have been offensive to sit there and get ogled by her boss, while he droned on about shit she didn’t care about, but it actually felt a little good to have his attention. It made her feel happy.At lunchtime, she received a call.“If you’d like to, um, hear a fact about your cunt, push one. If you don’t wanna, push two. If you, like, hang up, um, we’ll try back.”Jade gasped audibly and almost hung up the phone. The silly, giggly, oh-so-pink voice had used the “C” word! It was gross and it was offensive and… and… and Jade found herself pushing one to hear a fact about her cunt.“Fact: Girls who think about their cunt as often as their tits have more fulfilling dating lives. Think about it.”Jade scoffed at this as she hung up the phone. It was ridiculous. How could thinking about her cunt lead to a more fulfilling dating life? But she thought about it. She thought about it throughout the day, as more coworkers stopped in with a kind word and a glance down her top. She thought about it when Mr. Barret left, patted her shoulder, and told her she’d done good work today.Jade had, in fact, not done much of any work today, because Jade had been thinking frequently of her tits and cunt. But he looked down her top when he said it. The praise, the attention, and the fact that she’d worked less but been acknowledged for doing more made her happy.That night, Jade thought about her cunt much more than she had for a long time. Jade didn’t, actually, think about her cunt very often. She masturbated, quietly, in her bed some nights, but in general, she didn’t pay much mind to her cunt. She, likewise, had no dating life, much less a fulfilling one.That was mildly upsetting, she thought, as she touched her cunt and groped one of her tits. She had big tits that were making her work life easier and her life, in general, happier. Why shouldn’t she have a fulfilling dating life? So, Jade thought more about her cunt and she touched it. She also thought about her tits, and how big they were, feeling somewhat ashamed that they made her a little stupider than her coworkers.
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