Loss to Love Ch. 08
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Monday. A day that on its own was already bad enough, and I had extra baggage of the conversation I had with my dad the previous night. I spent the night thinking about what he said, hoping that somehow I could make him happy. I knew I couldn’t do what he was asking for, to pretend to be straight, but maybe I could make him happy another way.
“Hey handsome.” Nick said, coming up to me at my locker.
“Hey.” I said, still busy in thought about my dad.
“Well don’t sound so happy to see me.” Nick said, somewhat hurt I didn’t seem to miss him as much as he missed me.
“Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind.” I said, closing the locker door.
“You okay? What’s bothering you?” Nick asked.
“I talked to my dad last night. He wants me to stop seeing you.” I said.
“What? But we just…you’re not thinking about it right?”
“No don’t worry. It’s just, he told me some stuff and it just got me thinking. I mean I want to make him happy, but I don’t know how.” I said, running my hand through my hair in frustration.
“You want to talk to me about it?” Nick asked, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder.
“Nah it’s fine. I’ll figure it all out.” Nick gave me a sad smile and squeezed my shoulder. I knew he wanted to hug me but being in school and all. “So are you gonna tell Kate and Tray today?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah, I was hoping to catch them after school.”
“Cool. Mind if I’m there?”
“I was hoping you’d be.” I smiled as we walked to our next class.
“Drew!” I heard someone call from behind. I turned and saw Travis running up to me, books in his hand.
“Oh hey Travis, what’s up?” I asked. Nick stood behind me, like a watchdog guarding a prized possession.
“Hey so um…did you think about my proposal yet?” Travis asked, eyeing Nick wearily.
Nick answered before I could. “Yes he has and the answer is no. Sorry but Drew is currently unavailable.” Travis looked between Nick and I, unsure of how to respond to that.
“Yeah Travis, I’m sorry but…” Surprisingly, Travis shot me a smile.
“No no it’s okay. I should have known.” He said, smiling at Nick too. He came closer to us both, whispering so only we could hear. “You both are cute together. I’m happy for you two. I wouldn’t have asked if I had known Nick was…you know.” He said, winking once before turning around and heading in another direction.
I looked at Nick, bewildered at what had just happened. “So does that make another coming out?” I asked.
“I’m still unsure of how to respond to that. So weird.” Nick said, pulling me to our class.
Other than the weird reaction from Travis, nothing else was different, or at least so we thought. We behaved like we normally did with each other and no one was the wiser.
During lunch, we sat at our table as usual, talking about normal day-to-day stuff as well as the awesome trip Nick and I had just gone on, of course leaving out all the revelations and stuff. Tray had shot us weird looks from the get go, hinting that there was something he knew that he wasn’t saying. Everyone else at the table however, acted like nothing happened. When Kate arrived at the table, as always later than everyone else, she too looked at us weird.
I shot Nick a glance and I guess he had the same thought I did. Apparently, we didn’t need to say anything for those two to pick up that something was different. Nick looked to Kate and had another one of their silent arguments. This time however, both Tray and I understood what they were saying. Their gestures and body language didn’t leave much to the imagination. So they had their suspicions about us and vice versa.
I looked at the other people at the table, all of who were looking at us like we were aliens, watching our silent argument play out. I guess from outside perspective, we looked kind of stupid, with weird gestures and expressions, all without uttering a single word. Yep, we were definitely weirdos. Nick, Tray and Kate were all oblivious to the stares we were receiving.
“Um guys, we’ll talk about this after school okay?” I whispered, signaling to the little audience that we had gotten. Everyone else at the table suddenly returned to what they were doing, pretending that they weren’t, just a minute ago watching us like we were some sideshow carnival freaks.
My phone vibrated with a new text. I whipped it out and read the text from Travis, “You know, if you guys wanna keep it a secret, you have to stop making it so obvious. The others are starting to think something is up.” I looked down the table where Travis sat at the far end. He caught my glance and gave me a ‘seriously’ kind of look.
“Hey, I’m gonna go. Meet you guys after school?” I said, grabbing my tray and standing up.
“Yeah I’ll go with you.” Nick said, getting up too. I wanted to tell him no, taking advice from Travis but it would have been even weirder if I had, so I kept quiet.
Once out of the cafeteria and out of earshot, I took out my sincan escort phone and showed Nick the text from Travis. He read through the message, handing me back the phone. “Well we were until Kate and Tray went all detective on us.”
“Yeah well, can’t really say I’m surprised. And they aren’t any better are they. You could see it written on their faces.” I said, Nick laughing and putting an arm around my shoulder.
“Yeah. So I’ll see you after class?” Nick asked, like he didn’t already know the answer.
“Duh.” Nick smiled, looking up and down the hallway. Once he deemed the coast clear, he dipped down and gave me a quick kiss. “You know, you should stop doing that. Someone will eventually catch you.”
“Well that would be a problem, if I cared that is.” He said.
“Slow down hot shot. I know you may want to, being caught in the moment and all, but this is a big deal. Just take it step at a time okay?”
“I’ll try. See ya.” Nick said, walking down a separate hallway to his next class. I shook my head, heading to my own class.
The school bell marked the end of the day and Nick and I had agreed to meet at the roof. He had texted both Kate and Tray, telling them to meet at the same location as well, so here I was leaning against the wall waiting for them, the stairway to the roof to my right. The sound of chatter coming around the corner drew my attention down the hallway, where Nick rounded the corner with Kate and Tray in tow.
“Hey.” I greeted. “Shall we?” I asked, motioning for the roof. They nodded and followed me up to the roof. The sky was overcast, signs of an impending downpour, which on any other day would suck, but today kept the roof empty enough for out private chat. I stopped at the wall with Dean’s handiwork, the little bit of vandalism he did before he left, taking a look at the carved letters. It seemed like so long ago, and how different my life was now.
Nick stood behind me, the heat emanating from him a contrast from the cold air. “Did you do that?”
“Nah, Dean did, before he left. My birthday in fact.” I said.
“Hmm, do you miss him a lot?” Nick asked.
“Yeah at first. I still talk to him a lot though so it’s not so bad. Besides, I have a new friend that filled the void.” I said, smiling up at Nick.
“Oh my god, you guys are so sweet.” Kate squealed in delight, coming over and pulling me into a hug. I had actually forgot that Kate and Tray were there too. “So c’mon I need to know everything. You guys are dating right? Please tell me your dating. “
“I think first things first, I have to address something.” Nick said, turning to Tray who hadn’t said anything. “Hey bro, so yeah…I’m gay, but you probably already figured that out.”
“No shit Sherlock. Don’t worry, I’m fine with it. You’re still the same guy after all. You are still the same guy right?” He asked, throwing a smirk at Nick.
“Yeah man. No worries.” Nick said, going over to give Tray a bro hug, or whatever it is you call it. “So was there something you guys want to tell us too.” Nick said, giving his two friends a knowing smile.
“Don’t try to change the subject. You didn’t answer my question. Are you two dating?” Kate scolded. I nodded a simple yes to which Kate squealed in happiness again. Nick however, shot her a look, indicating that it was her turn to spill. “You already know, do we still have to say it?” Kate whined.
“Yeah I think so. Drew, what do you think?” Nick asked, coming over to my side.
“Hmm I think I need to be clear on the issue.” I said, rubbing my chin in thought, smirking evilly the whole way.
“Damn you guys. Okay fine, Tray and I are dating too. Okay? Happy?” Kate pouted.
“I hope the bro code doesn’t apply here man. Does it? You know, not to date your bro’s ex?” Tray asked.
“Well I think this is an exception.” Nick said.
“Well so I guess that’s that. All cleared up?” I said.
“Actually not so much. There is one more thing. When is this made official? Like you know, public. I’m not trying to be pushy but if you two act too cute in my presence I may let off a squeal or two.” Kate asked.
“Well I’ve been trying to get him to take it slow but he seems quite eager.” I said, nudging Nick in the side.
“We just wanted to tell you guys first.” Nick said.
“Okay but promise me you’ll try to be less cute when you’re not public yet. I don’t think I can take it if you are. But I will still be smiling like an idiot though.” Kate said.
“Deal.” Nick and I said at the same time.
“So cute.” Kate squealed again. Tray laughed, putting an arm around Kate.
“You guys make a cute couple too you know. I smell prom king and queen.” Nick said, making Kate blush.
“Or maybe we’ll have two kings this year. I think we have some competition in that area.” Tray said. I smiled at Tray. He was a good friend to Nick and it was just so awesome that he was so supportive of the idea of Nick and I being a thing.
I felt a çankaya escort tinge of jealousy for Nick, having everyone he was close to react in such a good way. I shook the thought from my head though, knowing that it wasn’t good looking at someone else’s life and wishing it was for you. Besides, other than my dad, my coming out was pretty smooth too. I just can’t help but wished my father accepted me too.
The week passed relatively quickly and I found myself at Nick’s house on a Friday afternoon, watching a movie in his living room. Nick seemed to take my advice seriously though, taking the coming out process slow. After Kate and Tray, Nick hadn’t told anyone else, but I could tell he wanted to.
We sat on his couch, watching some stupid comedy that he rented off Netflix. The show was bad to say the least. Stupid jokes and all around bad acting made it laughable, but not in a good way. “Why did you pick this movie?” I asked, laying my head on his shoulder.
“It’s bad movie Friday?” He replied, with such uncertainty I’m pretty sure he didn’t even believe himself
“Mmhmm, sure” I said, hugging his arm.
“Sorry, I thought it would be better than this.”
“It’s fine. It’s the company that counts.” I said, snuggling into him. This was a position I found myself in most of the time when I was alone with Nick, a head on his shoulder and hugging his arm. It was a comfortable position, for me at least. So comfortable that I found myself dosing off, coupled with the bad movie it wasn’t that difficult. In no time I was sound asleep.
It was around an hour later that I woke up. The movie was over and Nick was also fast asleep, his head falling off the back of the couch. I rested my head back into his shoulder, trying to fall back asleep, when a cough caught my attention. I looked to my right and there sitting in the single couch was Mr. Preston, hands crossed, a leg propped up on his knee. I was surprised, seeing that Nick wasn’t expecting him home that night. I was also slightly creeped out by the fact that he had been watching us sleep but then remembered the position I was in.
I quickly let go of Nick’s arm, the force of the motion waking Nick up in the process. “Wha…I’m up.” He said sleepily, taking in his surroundings. His eyes stopped on his father, a look of confusion crossing his face. “Dad? What are you doing home?”
“I came home to get something.” He said, his voice deep and as always, intimidating. He watched us for a moment, clearing thinking about something.
“Um yeah, ok well…”
“Is there something I should know about here?” Mr. Preston asked, unfolding his arms and leg, leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees. The change in position somewhat altered the intimidating facade he gave off, or maybe it was the minuscule change in the timbre of his voice, I don’t know, but Mr. Preston didn’t seem all that scary all of a sudden. “Because if there is, I need to know.” Mr. Preston chuckled, the first time I had ever heard him do so.
“Um…so maybe…” Nick started, stopping when he could find the words to say what he wanted to. I couldn’t blame him though, he hardly spoke to his dad, and suddenly he had to have this heart to heart with him.
“Oh god, is this really happening?” Mr. Preston laughed again, putting his face in his hands. “You’re joking right? Pulling a fast one on your old man?”
“Well no, not really.” I suddenly felt really uncomfortable being there.
“Okay so…” Mr. Preston made a motion for Nick to continue.
“Okay so Drew isn’t really just a friend.” Nick started.
“Yeah I can see that. C’mon Nick, I raised you to have more balls than that.” Mr. Preston said.
“You’re one to talk. I don’t hear you spilling the beans?” Nick said, a little too quick to catch his words.
“What?” The smile disappeared from Mr. Preston’s face. He looked shocked for a moment before his expression softened. “Carrie. I should have known.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Nick asked.
“Put yourself in my shoes Nick. My son as good as hated my guts for divorcing his mom, add to the fact that he thought I was an alcoholic drunk, which I’m not by the way, how did you expect me to tell you. Coming out to you may have been the last kick needed for you to exit my life for good, and I couldn’t handle that. Having you despise me was better than having you not there. So yeah I didn’t tell you.” Mr. Preston said.
“Why would knowing make me leave? That’s ridiculous.”
“No it seems ridiculous because you’re gay too. If you weren’t? It would have been just another flaw for you to build your hate on. For you to realize how much you father fucked up.” Mr. Preston said, slumping back into his seat.
“Sorry dad, I didn’t think about it that way, but you didn’t fuck up. I may have made it seem like you did but truth be told, you are a good father. Mom told me that you fought for custody of Steph and me too.” Nick said.
“She told you that too huh.” Mar Preston blushed. eryaman escort It was nice to see the man that once held such an intimidating persona, come into his own. “I may not have loved your mom that way, but I still did care for her deeply, and you kids were my most prized possessions. I couldn’t let you go without a fight.”
I felt my eyes water at the sentiment. It was touching to hear how a parent could fight for your kid, a memo my dad apparently missed. Nick noticed my watery eyes, concern overtaking his features. “You okay?”
“Yeah. It’s just…touching.” I said, in between chuckles. Nick hugged me to him, no longer caring that his dad was right there.
“So when did this start?” Mr. Preston asked.
“When did what start? Us dating or when I figured out I was gay?” Nick asked. I let go of Nick and I straightened my clothes.
“Both I guess.”
“Um well, we started dating after our trip to Mom’s and I’ve been gay for…a long time.” Nick chuckled.
“I see. Drew right?” Mr. Preston asked.
“Yes Mr. Preston.” I nodded.
“I think that’s too formal. Call me Jesse.” He said smiling. “Well I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. I gotta head off anyway.”
“Where do you go every night anyway?” Nick asked.
“Not to the bar if that’s what you’re thinking. No I uh…I have someone…” Jesse said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Wait wait hold up? Are you telling me that all this while, you’ve had a boyfriend?” Nick smirked.
“Well yeah I guess.”
“When were you gonna introduce us? How long has it been going on?” Nick asked.
“Almost five years now.”
“Shit, five years and you’ve never brought him home once?”
“He wanted to. Wanted to see my family and all, but he understood my situation and never pushed. I guess I can bring him here if you want to meet him.” Jesse thought, a smile creeping onto his features.
“You have to. I’d like to meet him.” Nick said getting up and walking over to his dad. “You know, I’d never thought that we would talk like this. It feels good doesn’t it.”
“Yeah, never did I ever believe that I would come out to you, and yet here we are, coming out to each other. Like father like son I guess.” Jesse chuckled.
“I never said this enough the past few years but I love you dad.” Nick said, hugging his dad.
“I love you too Nick.” Jesse hugged his son back, putting it all into that hug. This was a big deal for both of them. “I almost forgot what that feels like.” Nick pulled away from his father, smiling his reply. “Hmm well yes, I have to go so I’ll see you boys soon.” Jesse said, patting Nick on his shoulder before making his way for the front door.
As the door closed, Nick walked back over to the couch and dropped down beside me. He stared at the wall, not saying anything. “Nick, are you okay?”
“Yeah I just…was that all a dream? It didn’t feel real.” He said, turning his stare to me.
“Well I think this isn’t a dream. Seems quite real to me.” I said, holding his hand that sat in his lap.
“How is it that the person that I thought I had known my whole life, turns out to be someone I didn’t think him to be? I thought that this would have been the easiest coming out, but it was the most difficult actually.” Nick said, squeezing my hand.
“It was the one that conflicted the most with yourself. It’s not so much that the coming out was difficult; it was the guilt behind it, wasn’t it? How you feel bad about thinking the worst of your father, when in fact he was just hiding behind a veil.” I said.
“How is it you can read me like that?” Nick asked.
“I just know you Nick. You are a good guy, always trying to please the people around you. Your worst emotion is guilt, because you let it control you. Blind you. You don’t have to please everyone Nick. You are responsible for your own happiness, first and foremost.” I said.
“You are my happiness.” Nick said, putting a hand to my cheek. He closed the distance between us, connecting his lips with mine. This kiss was different though, hot without the fire, sweet without the sugar, intense without the passion. A kiss of true emotion. I instinctively closed my eyes, deepening the kiss. My arm snaked up and around his neck, locking our lips together.
I felt his hand creep under my shirt, the heat from it leaving a trail as he moved it up my back. His lips parted, just enough for my tongue to slide in. I tasted Nick on my tongue, sending my senses on overdrive. I ran a hand through Nick’s brown hair, entangling my fingers among the many strands.
“I want you, so much.” Nick whispered, breaking the kiss, instead trailing his kisses down my jawline. Goosebumps erupted across my skin when he nibbled on my earlobe.
“I want you too.” I mumbled, making Nick stop what he was doing. I cursed him, wanting him to continue.
“Are you sure?” He whispered, his breath tickling my ear. I straddled him as my answer, pushing him down onto the couch. I hovered over him, breathing down his neck but not making any physical contact. I slipped a hand underneath his t-shirt, walking my fingers up his abs.
“You’re so hot, you don’t even know.” I whispered. I placed my hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat through his chest. “What do you want Nick?”
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