Cocklust Ch. 37
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By the time I got home, I’d tried to put all thoughts of my sexuality aside. I pretended I wasn’t the guy who’d been prowling around the net, and who’d just spent the night in Boystown, and who’d hooked up with a random guy along the way.I forced myself to play the same part I’d been playing for years. I was supposed to be the golden boy, the guy who’d been popular in high school, and the son who’d always made his parents proud. I hadn’t always been comfortable in that role, and I definitely wasn’t comfortable now. But I’d played that part for so long that I figured I knew what I was doing.I’d just walked in the door, and was heading up to my room, when I ran into my sister. “Looks like somebody was out late,” she said.I was in no mood for her smartassery. “Yeah I was,” I said. “So what?”“I’m just saying,” she replied. “You know I ran into Erica?”Aw shit, I thought. Erica was my ex, so I didn’t want to think of her right then.“She’s been going through a tough time,” Amy said. “You know her mom is sick?”I nodded. “That sucks.”“Is that all you have to say? Don’t you care?”“Well, I don’t know what to tell you,” I said. “It does suck. It’s just— I mean, for God sakes, I haven’t talked to her in a year.”“So what: do you have a new girlfriend or something?”I shook my head. I didn’t like where this was going. “Well no….”“You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday.”“I was out partying,” I said as casually as I could.“Uh-huh,” she said.“Look,” I said, “maybe I just don’t want to talk to my ex. What’s the matter with that?”“I don’t see what the big deal would be,” she said. “I still talk to Kevin.”I rolled my eyes. Amy and her ex had been on-again, off-again all the way through high school.“Anyway, if you’re not seeing anybody, why not?”“That’s none of your business,” I said. “And there wouldn’t be much point to it now, when I’m just back for the summer—”“Yeah, spare me that crap,” she said. “I know how horny guys are.”“What’s that supposed to mean?”“What, you want me to think you’re a monk? I know better.”“What the hell, Amy—”“You did break her heart.”“For shit’s sake,” I said, “what do you want me to do? Get back together with her?”“I’m just saying, she needs somebody. She’s going through a lot.”I threw up my hands. “So how do you think this would be different than last year?” I asked. “I was moving away, and she couldn’t come with me. What the fuck has changed?”“You boys,” she said. “You never understand isvecbahis a girl’s feelings.”“Oh jeez—”“Just tell me you haven’t been breaking some other girls’ hearts.”“What? No, of course not.”“How do you know?”I took a deep breath. “Trust me,” I said, then headed up to my room.As soon as I shut the door behind me, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I wanted to hole up by myself for the rest of the day. But I knew I couldn’t do it, since I didn’t want to tip anyone off.I did need to put on fresh clothes, so I stripped down and threw my laundry in a pile. As I did, I caught a glimpse of my butt in the mirror, so I turned and looked at myself.It was kind of weird to see my own body naked. I had to wonder if other guys thought I was hot. I’d never been a gym rat, but I liked to think that I’d kept myself in shape. My pecs and biceps were toned, and my abs were flat. But I was still nervous.I’d heard gay guys were obsessed with looks, and were notoriously judgmental. I couldn’t tell if the stereotype was true, but I didn’t want to leave anything to chance. I wasn’t sure I qualified as a twink, but I also wasn’t sure I was a jock either. I figured all I could do was be myself—at least to a point—and put my best foot forward.Over the next few weeks, I got the hang of what I was doing. I went back to Boystown whenever I could, and while I was there, I basically turned into a man slut. I watched male strippers, ordered lap dances, and ended up with a different dude every night.I also got over my shyness online, so even when I was home, I went for one Grindr hookup after another. And it wasn’t just Grindr; I wanted to cast the biggest net I could, so I also set up profiles on Jack’d, Hornet, and Scruff.It didn’t take me long to find out Gabe was right: not all dick was good. A lot of guys used fake pictures online, so when I met them, they were totally different from what I’d signed up for. Some were extra secretive, wanting to meet up in motels and stuff. Sometimes I could totally tell they were cheating, like if they had a mark on their finger where their wedding ring had been. I didn’t want any part of that, so I turned them down flat.Even so, I met enough cool guys that I started figuring out what I liked. Bodybuilding types were fun to look at, but with the ones I hooked up with, it pretty much ended there. I met some nice leather guys, but I didn’t have much in common with them. What really isveçbahis giriş got me going were guys my own age, either fresh out of high school or close to it, who were exploring their sexuality like I was. A lot of them were totally new to man sex; so to them, I was the seasoned pro. A few were surprised at how easily I took dick in my ass, so I gave them tips on how to do it themselves.I tried a bunch of new things myself, and I loved being able to do whatever I wanted without judgment. Sometimes I found things I liked, like getting facials, although other guys’ reactions were mixed. Other times I found things I didn’t like, like fisting, while other guys were totally into it.I never heard a peep from Chad that whole time. His Facebook and Twitter feeds had gone silent, and he still wasn’t responding to messages. I felt like asking one of our frat brothers about him, just to make sure he was okay, but I didn’t want to seem weird. Eventually my worrying gave way to annoyance; I figured if he couldn’t be bothered to talk to me, then he couldn’t complain about what I was up to.“Scott!” my dad yelled from his office.I jumped with surprise and shoved my phone in my pocket. “What?”“Let’s go,” he said as he walked over with his briefcase. “I don’t want to be late for dinner.”“Yeah,” I said. I was still going in to work every day, and my dad was basically my boss. It was an awkward arrangement with him always looking over my shoulder.Dad insisted on carpooling, so the two of us were alone for a half hour in each direction. He seemed to think it made for good father-son time, but I wasn’t so sure. It was surprisingly hard to keep up appearances that long. I hated having to pretend things were normal, when they very clearly weren’t.On that particular day, we were about halfway home when he suddenly cleared his throat. “So,” he said, “your mother and I have been talking… and she’s coming with me to Kansas City this year.”I nodded. Every August, my dad went to a big conference in Kansas City, and he always went on and on about it.“If you want to come too,” he said, “we could turn it into a family trip. And I think it’d be good for you too. Think of all the people you’d meet—”“I dunno,” I said. My dad wanted me to be a lawyer, but I didn’t know if it was really my thing. Besides, I had too many other things on my mind right then, so that kind of stuff was not high on my list. “What about Amy?”“I’m isveçbahis yeni giriş trying to get her to come too,” he said. “But she’s not sure either. Something about her friend’s wedding.”“Oh. Right.” Amy’s best friend was getting married that fall, and Amy was practically obsessing over it. She kept talking about being the maid of honor, and planning a bachelorette party, and blah blah blah blah. To hear her tell it, you’d think this wedding was national news.“Well, be thinking about it,” he said, “and let me know what you decide.”I didn’t say anything, but I really didn’t need to think about it at all. If my parents were going to be gone, and if Amy was going to be tied up with other stuff, then I could have the house to myself. I was desperate for that kind of privacy, though I knew I’d need to keep my cards close to my chest.That night, we’d just finished dinner when I retreated upstairs and started surfing Grindr. I hadn’t been fucked all week, so my hole was literally itching to get a hard cock inside it. I filtered out my results to guys more or less my age, and I found someone who called himself YoDude. His profile showed the usual bare chest, but from what I could see, the man was fucking huge. He listed himself as a versatile top, so he seemed to be right up my alley.I sent him a private chat: Hey man. Where u at?He responded within seconds: Oak Hill Dr. I can host. U?Just got off work, I wrote. Near the riverwalk.What r u into?In the mood to get fucked, I wrote. Up for whatever.Cool, he wrote. Got any nudes?I sighed. This wasn’t the first time I’d gotten asked for naked pictures. I never knew how to respond, because the truth was, I didn’t have any. The closest thing I had was my profile pic, which wasn’t especially naughty. I’d never worked up the courage to photograph myself fully naked.I was about to type up a response when I heard my mom’s footsteps. I jumped and switched over to Facebook.A second later, I heard my dad’s voice through the walls. I could tell my parents were talking about something, though I couldn’t tell what. I suddenly got nervous. Were they onto me? Had they talked to Amy? I could only hope that no one in my family had put two and two together.Finally, after what seemed like a long time, my parents’ footsteps disappeared into the distance. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked back at my phone.I was about to switch back to Grindr when I saw a picture on my feed. My frat brother Marcos had just posted a selfie. It showed him sitting at a ballgame, eating a hot dog. At first it looked like no big deal, but then I noticed an blurry face in the background, which I could tell was Chad’s.
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